Killing What Scares You

31 Comments


Don’t kill what scares you.  Embrace it!

What scares you the most is your raw, untamed authenticity.

istock_000003792360xsmallWhat scares the hell right out of you is the crazy brilliance that you know you really are.

This post is a call to action for those who want even more inspiring and fulfilling work.  If you really love your job – quit reading now.  But if you really want to bet the farm on you – read on!

As a career coach, here’s the question I hear most often.

“What will I be when I grow up?”

Here are two better questions.

“What was I before I grew up?”

“What wild part of me have I allowed to be beaten down and killed, for fear of being judged?”

Never destroy any aspect of personality, for what you think is the wild branch may be the heart of the tree.  Mrs. Henry George

Cultural conformity is fear-based pressure created so the real you doesn’t rock the boat

Accumulated conditioning, rules and collective fears, all pushing societal stability, will continue to separate you from your authentic wildness, if you allow it to.

Most folks claim they want their authentic freedom. But they act as though they want stability and safety.

Stability and authenticity exclude one another.

Take a stand.  Refuse fear.  Live fearlessly.

Allow your authentic wildness to flourish once more.

Don’t kill your wildness.  Flaunt your wildness.

If you really didn’t give two shits, about what anyone would say or think – what would you do then?

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss

Choose boldness!

Your time is now.  Waiting is stupid, fearful thinking.  Quit listening to those who fear their own power.  The cement truck could flatten your ass tomorrow.  How’s that for timing?

It’s not timing but expressed uniqueness that truly determines exceptional success.

We increase the probability of creating a life of freedom, fulfillment and financial prosperity to the degree that we are willing to express our exceptionality.

It’s time for you to choose.  Quit allowing cultural appropriateness to crush your wildness.

It really does start with not giving a damn.  What do you think the world rewards more, being nice or being authentic?

By choosing authenticity you’re going to piss some people off.

So what, what has playing it safe done for you so far?

Be naughty.  Misbehave.  Break some stupid rules.

Be the eccentric character you really are and some may hate you.  But some will adore you.

Your only obligation in life is to be true to yourself.  Being true to anyone else or anything else is impossible.  Richard Bach

Don’t wonder what you’ll be when you grow up.  You’re already too damned grown up.  Be a kid again.  Ride your wildness all the way to the bank.

I’m not just all talk about this.  I deliver.  If you’re ready to embrace what scares you, join me in this true calling experience.

Bold lives are chosen and created.

Have you the courage to create the life you most want to live?

No excuses, you either do or you don’t. If this time doesn’t work for you, go here to request your own test drive coaching experience.

Embrace what sacres you.  The world is waiting for your light.

About Tom Volkar

My mission is to guide employees who want to seize the freedom of self-employment. If you’ve always wanted to start your own business and haven’t then I can get you there. What would it take for you to make that big decision that you aren’t making? You only need an effective process supported by a clear structure and that’s what I provide. My vision: Everyone is authentically fulfilled in work, in love and in life.

Comments

  1. Wow – now that’s what I like to read on a Sunday morning!

    In my experience, fear remains strong as long as we run from it. Turn around and face it, challenge it, do whatever it is anyway, and fear goes POOF!

    It takes a lot of energy to go against the tide of the life you’ve been living to date, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it!

    Suzanne @ vAssistant Servicess last blog post..One Person’s Benefit, Another Person’s Barrier

  2. I guess I better get moving then, I sure don’t want that cement truck to flatten my ass before I get started.. even if it looks foolish to others. On Sunday mornings I often wake up grabbing the most comfortable thing in my closet to wear…I can come up with some pretty crazy outfits and believe me my husband has to hold back the laughter.. My point is this, if i starting living my life the same way I dress on Sunday mornings I wonder what my life would be life???? Thanks for giving me something to chew on for the week .

  3. You said, “Don’t kill your wildness.” I think it is in your wildness that you find the raw materials of what makes you who you are. To kill your wildness is to kill yourself and what you were designed to be.

    We spend way too much time worrying about what others think of us. I say be who we are and let the world deal with it! It is in that sweet spot of authenticity that we find passion, joy,and peace.

    The best thing I ever did was to put away my concerns for what others thought and start living for myself. Now I love my work so much more, my relationships are so much deeper and fulfilling, and I am experiencing a joy in life I never knew was possible. Be who God created you to be. To be somthing else is living a lie.

    Go Tom! You Rock!

  4. PS….Every teleclass I have taken with Tom has been wonderful so if it is at all possible, take his class and be inspired on to greater things! You deserve it!

  5. I love your definition of cultural conformity.

    If you think about it, this squashing of people’s true selves leads to so much (unnecessary) pain and desperation.

    It’s a HUGE reason people stay in jobs or careers they hate or even relationships they hate.

    If people would take the time to feel what true authenticity feels like, they would experience a high like no other–one that might allow them to break free of that prison of conformity.

    Christine Gallaghers last blog post..The Art of Social Marketing

  6. Great points, Tom. I think another great benefit to embracing what scares you most is it makes you stronger.

    Avoiding what scares you never strengthens you…it still keeps you vulnerable to this fear, which is why you are avoiding it. Confronting it is the only real way to resolve it.

    Not only will embracing a fear make you stronger, but it will make you more confidant in embracing and confronting other fears.

    Matt Thomass last blog post..6 Things NOT to do After Experiencing Success

  7. Tom,

    “Raw, untamed authenticity” sounds so good yet its reality does scare so many of us. I love your question “What were you BEFORE you grew up?” Something to ponder this week. Thanks!

    Daphne @ Joyful Dayss last blog post..Free eBook of Personal Creeds

  8. Hi Tom,

    I agree with what you say. One quibble: I think the way to stability leads through authenticity. To be sure it is a new stability – resilience rather than doing the same, but still stability. I guess you might agree with this in any case.

    I recently pissed one blogger off good and proper: the crap they were promoting on their blog was horrible and said so (I refrained completely from saying anything personal and only attacking the argument, but this restraint was not appreciated). So maybe I’m on my way. I may be a little more restrained in how I express myself next time (on the other hand maybe not, I have no regrets).

    Evans last blog post..Why Do We Slow Down?

  9. Hi

    There are fears in me, and I m working on it to get over it. When I read your post, I have learned few things which was unknown to me before. I really like what you said “Bold lives are chosen and created.” and I definitely agree on this.

    Thanks for writing such nice post
    Stacy

  10. Suzanne – Poof is an apt description of something that was never real in the first place. I think it takes energy to make a decision we’ve been avoiding but afterward it takes increased awareness.

    Laurie – You are an original and you express it! I’m sure you continue to put a smile in God’s heart.

    Christine – Another entrepreneur who has staked her own claim. You’re right, until you’re there one can’t imagine the feeling.

    Matt – Interesting point. The experience of facing fears does show us that we can do it over and over again.

    Daphne – I’d be delighted if you would return and honor us with your answer once the pondering is complete.

    Evan – I can always count on your for the small quibbles. :) Thanks! In fact that thought passed my mind while I was writing so I do agree. Good to see you taking a stand.

  11. Hi Tom — the questions you asked at the beginning of this post reminded me of a zen koan I often think about: “what was your original face before you were born?” That is (in my interpretation) who was I before I made all these decisions about what I was? Thinking about this leads me to a place that is empty but peaceful, and anxieties that might have been there before about how my work will be received tend to fall away.

  12. Tom,

    This post comes at a perfect time for me. I loved your line, “Embrace what scares you.” So many times I hold back because of fear and this post reminds me to “walk on the wild side” a bit more.

    When I read this, I am reminded of the Tarot card, the Fool. Not aptly named, this card is about experiencing life without fear and taking chances. It represents our choice to take that leap of faith with absolute trust…not always easy, but often worth the risk.

    As usual, Tom, great post. Thanks :~)

    Saras last blog post..Story Photo Contest

  13. To anyone who is unsure that Tom’s right – I lived for 25 years trying to kill my fear of being a writer and when I finally pursued it my life opened right up.

    This post is so spot on!

    Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Fear of an office job: Allison Day interview

  14. Tom – I positively ADORE this line:

    Stability and authenticity exclude one another.

    AMEN-AMEN-AMEN!!!!

    Oh, I’ve only taken one of Tom’s teleclasses – but it is easily among the BEST investments of time I’ve made thus far this year!

    BTW – that’s saying something because it’s far easier for something to be a good investment of $$$ in my eyes than time.

    I can always make more $$$ – but I can’t earn a single additional second of time! That’s why saying that Tom’s teleclass was an exceptional investment of time is by far the highest praise I can offer!

    Kathy | Virtual Impaxs last blog post..A Love/Hate relationship with Social Media Marketing

  15. Wonderful post! I’ve done a bit of this at my karate sparring when I force myself to go against 5th degree black belts (even though I’m scared as heck!). When you push the boundaries of your self-confidence, you begin to grow in ways you never knew were possible.

    Data points, Barbara

  16. Spot on! I like what you share :-)

    best wishes Ribbon

  17. Tom,
    That is an outstanding sweet kick in the pants article. Holy cow. I love it. I love the idea of “our wildness” how liberating and powerfully expressed. I also love the concept of looking at where we were before we “grew up”… I think that is fueling my work right now.

    With that said, my daughter 3 1/2 told me tonight that she wants to be a motorcycle when she gets bigger….hmm what does that mean?

  18. Tracy – You sure that truck didn’t hit you? Sorry I missed you. Although I did rescue you from the spam folder. Absolutely just follow your gut and be yourself – it’s fun.

    I was just outside doing some yard work and the 11 year old neighbor girl went walking by smiling with a large pine branch sticking out of her hair. I just smiled back and she said. “How could you not ask? I told her. “I just thought you were being your unique self.” She liked that. :)

    Chris – Powerful koan. Thank you.

    Sara – Than ks. I love the archetype the fool. There’s a bit of the joker in all of us.

    Alex – Congrats for getting by that man. The world is a better place for it.

    Kathy – Thanks for the endorsement. I know investing time is something you do with great care. Who out there wants to create something grand? Join us on tax due day! Enroll in the upcoming class and I’ll prod you to creation.

    Barbara – You go woman! Kick their buts – stand tall, I love it!

    Ribbon – back at ya!

    Katie – Welcome. Ask your daughter why she likes motorcycles and write it down for her to ponder later. Fast an powerful is a wonderland intent. My butt-kicking hasn’t been called sweet before. Thanks I like that. :)

  19. Fear is out there. I need to be right here and live this moment.

    Another great post – Thank you

    Patricias last blog post..A Prayer in Spring

  20. Good stuff.

    There’s a lot to be said for keeping your friends close and enemies closer.

    J.D. Meiers last blog post..Finding Your Values

  21. It’s so funny, I wrote poem today about how I wish all this safety zone expansion discomfort I’m putting myself through would just STOP, so I could go back to sitting on the couch eating ding-dongs.

    But these fears will continue, I realize. They will no doubt be with me every freaking step I take as I reach higher and farther to flaunt my authentic wildness.

    Vive le wildness!

    Vive le true me!!

    Vive le freaking rule breaking Jannie.

    So what if someone thinks my ukulele ought to have strings – it’s my fricking ukulele – not theirs!

    God bless you for this post, Tom. I’ll be back again to read it when I need a boot to the butt to keep me going.

    Jannie Funsters last blog post..Ukulele Video

  22. I love this article. I say scare the hell out of yourself, find out what your made of and allow great things to happen. Why not?

  23. Christa @ Giggle On! says:

    Yes, flaunt your wildness! Shake it, don’t break it my mama used to say (ok, she never really said it. That was implied).

    I noted to a mutual friend of our earlier today the great thing about fear.

    We can set it down and walk away from it. I’ve been practicing this lately and it feels f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s!

    The time IS now.

    Great post Tom.

  24. Patricia – Right here is where all the action is. Well said.

    J.D. – Aren’t you the savvy commenter? Good response.

    Janine – Step into your wildness. I didn’t even notice that it had no strings. :) Your ding dong poem sounds like a saying I coined awhile back. “Enlightenment can be a bitch!”

    Stacey – I’ve only met you online but I have no doubt that’s the way you live. Authenticity pours out of you.

    Christa – Absolutely – be your wild ass self and have a ball doing so. :)

  25. Good stuff as usual, Tom! Your opener “Don’t kill what scares you. Embrace it! What scares you the most is your raw, untamed authenticity” is truly great.

    People (myself included) are scared of their own power so manipulate it contstantly, in all sorts of ways. It’s such a shame!

    Robins last blog post..What If? The Movie, A Review

  26. Robin – Your awareness that you do that is more than half the battle. Try boldness for a week and you’ll never go back.

  27. “Be the eccentric character you really are and some may hate you. But some will adore you.”

    The ones that hate you wouldn’t be the people you would want in your corner anyway. The ones that adore you are the ones that love you for who you are, and they are the ones that will stick with you through anything. Allowing yourself to be fully yourself, and being surrounded by those supporting the real you is the most freeing experience imaginable.

    ~ Kristi

  28. Kristi – Amen. Surrounding ourselves with folks who adore us for who we are is heaven here on earth.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Remember this: Doubt is good. It means you’re being introspective, that you’re not resting on prior knowledge (that might be invalid now), and that you’re honestly weighing the situation instead of employing blind optimism. Doubt is healthy! Hold onto that. [...]

  2. [...] at that point that I read this and this about labeling fears and then killing them, then promptly realized that when I was in [...]

  3. [...] Remember this: Doubt is good. It means you’re being introspective, that you’re not resting on prior knowledge (that might be invalid now), and that you’re honestly weighing the situation instead of employing blind optimism. Doubt is healthy! Hold onto that. [...]

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