Many say that they’d like to be their own boss but keeps them for using success language. . Fear has an insidious nature to it. It seeps into everything you think and say, thus making your quest for work life freedom and happiness seem much more difficult than it is.
When fear latches onto the possibility of your dreams, it expands – as one fearful thought after another colors your world darker and darker. These thoughts create an illusion of doubt that is strengthened by your fearful words. What’s the way out?
Watch your language. Is it success language or something less?
Sometimes a tiny adjustment can lead to a huge leap in progress. This is one of those times. If you can simply bump up your awareness on what comes out of your mouth, the fear will dissipate like a morning fog and you’ll be on your way.
Language acts as a bridge between your intentions and your dreams. You can be very clear about what you want and even be very willing to take bold actions. But if your talk doesn’t allow you to see your optimum path – you’ll never walk it. Powerful language not only emboldens your actions, it makes visible options to which you were once blind.
And there’s the rub. Unless a life coach or a really good friend is willing to suggest corrections in your language, you may never know how ineffective it really is. No one can see his or her own blind spots. We simply fall into language patterns over time that do not serve us well. This weaker language repeatedly persuades us that we are capable of far less than we actually are.
In my small business coaching, I work with many clients who have fantastic ideas for a product or for their own small business but they lack a deep belief in themselves. It’s not so much the idea that brings success, but the man or woman behind it. It’s fascinating that these same clients are willing to make bold action agreements to move their ideas forward. Yet they can’t see the silent dream-killer working behind the scenes to trip them up. They can’t see how their own words and thoughts that precede them are making the climb to success so slippery.
If your words don’t line up with your intentions, then you’re working much harder than you need to be. It takes a tremendous amount of energy just to fight the confusion and doubt in your own mind. There is an easier way, and here it is.
Three small language adjustments that will make your dreams come true.
- Use Words that evoke Possibility. Some words open us up to seeing more options and some simply close down our receptivity. The simplest shift into possibility language comes from replacing one word with another. Every time you catch yourself saying should change it to could. Should is judgmental and only reinforces an erroneous assessment of your own capability. Using could presents greater options and the life of possibility. Replace should with could in all statements about yourself and addressed to others. When we point the finger of should at another, we are making a feeble attempt to shrug responsibility. Also replace your “I must” and “I ought to” statements with “I can.” Like should, must and ought are also statements that to only serve to make you feel guilty, ineffectual and out of options.
- Use Words that place you in the Now. When we speak in the future tense of “I will,” we don’t even believe ourselves. Saying “I will” is almost as weak as saying “I’ll try.” No one believes you when you talk like that, including you. However, there is something boldly empowering about bringing our language right into the present moment, which is the only place from which we can create. Here are the most powerful two words in the English language: I am. Any dream added to these two words instantly energizes and aligns your actions with your intentions. Now I’m going to give you a great gift that I often give my coaching clients the instant they hire me. Use these present moment phrases on the front in of your dream. Instead of saying, “I want to start my own business.” Say… “I’m on the verge of” starting my own business.” Or… “I’m on the brink of” making my dreams come true.” Or my favorite… “I’m in the midst of building my dream life.” The present moment power isn’t in the dream but in those first four empowering words just before you state your objective. Try a few out loud and get ready to blast yourself forward.
- Use Words that are Powerfully Positive. Imagine that your life is a ballgame and you are the announcer of that game. If you could carefully listen to yourself call your own game, you’d be amazed at the level of negativity. This is no game; this is your life! If you want your life to more closely follow your intentions, it’s time to begin putting a more positive spin on how you tell your own story. This is often the most difficult of adjustments, because we are unaware of how pitiful we sound. But everyone else can tell almost immediately.
For years I repeatedly talked about my biggest business and life failure. I wrote about it here. It hurt so much that it had become not only my story but also my identity. It colored everything, so that new dreams had a very tough time taking root. Then magically one day I really heard myself – and changed how I called my life’s game.
I want you to know that how you talk about your life could be just as important as the actions you take. In fact, more so – because you probably aren’t taking actions because of the accumulation of your self-talk. Once you realize this and act on that basis, you’ll begin to watch your language about yourself and your dreams. Calling a good game means that you put the most positive spin on how your life is going. Essentially, you look for the bright side and talk about it often.
Here are a few tips on how to put more powerfully positive talk in play.
- Select an important area of your life where your default talk is generally negative.
- Write down what you usually say in that area. Now, rewrite your story with a more hopeful, positive spin. Keep rewriting until announcing it lifts you.
- Commit to announcing your new positive story out loud three times daily. You may have a lot of crappy programming to record over, so stay with it. Have fun with it and call it out like you would a ballgame. Nothing is the end of the world. Your heart still beats regardless of your major wound. It’s time to watch your language and lighten up.
- Pump up your awareness so you catch yourself when you slip into old powerless positions of blame and negativity. Congratulate yourself for each catch and replace the old with your new, inspiring spin.
A client once asked. “But what do I do when I am so stuck in the negativity that I don’t believe a more positive story about my hopes and dreams?”
When this occurs, we have a deep psychological objection to thinking more positively about ourselves. We need something that will counteract our hidden unwillingness to feel better. Gary Craig developer of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) designed a powerful ”setup” phrase that works really well.
Here’s the phrase. “Even though I have this ________, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Read what John Freedom writes. “This does work – much of the time – but not always. The Setup is intended to be the built-in antidote for psychological reversal (PR). A PR is an objection to healing. It is a form of subtle self-sabotage, and includes any limiting belief or consideration a person is holding, that prevents them from healing and changing now. Often this takes the form of implicit self-hatred.”
Go to the link and read about it for yourself. I really like this setup phrase because of its honesty. I’ve found it to be much more believable than pie-in-the-sky affirmations that are so much beyond what one currently believes.
But by adding the powerful “Even though,” we admit where we are and then can affirm what we want. For example, try combining all of the tips above in one powerful statement. “Even though I’ve struggled, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Then…. “Even though I’ve struggled, I’m now in the midst of turning everything around.” When we add the power of tapping (here’s a very good video tutorial on EFT tapping) to this powerful language, amazing breakthroughs are realized.
Watch your language. These three small adjustments can make your dreams come true. Are you willing? Are you ready to make them happen or are you all talk?
This is an area in which I still catch myself – almost daily – needing to adjust. But, when I think about how long I was unconscious of the effects of my language upon my life, I realize that it will take some time to change those language habits. I have made great strides in this area, and I remind myself: “Progress, not perfection!”
Suzanne
P.S. Great remodel, here! 🙂 Hope you’re likin’ your new diggs!
Suzanne Bird-Harris | Learning Curve Coachings last blog post..When You Screw Up, Own Up
Congratulations on your new look, Tom! And thank you for mentioning my article!
When I was still singing opera (a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away), I went through a lot of difficulties with my upper register. I would walk around saying “My high notes suck” pretty much all day long. As you may imagine, my high notes did not get better! Shocking, I know. Then I read my very first self-improvement book by Tony Robbins. He talked about NLP a little. So I started going around saying “My high notes are fabulous!” And wouldn’t you know it – they got a LOT better. Then, of course, I went to massage therapy school and decided that singing opera just wasn’t for me. But it was a lesson about the power of self-talk that I never forgot!
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea Hess|Empowered Souls last blog post..Interview on Developing Intuition
Tom,
Your site looks great with face lift. Thanks for the link. I concur with you the importance of the power of words in our life. Choosing the right word for the right occasion is the deftness one needs to develop to attract success at every level in life.
Thanks again,
Shilpan
Hi Tom – An excellent article on the power of language. A few years ago, I was in a job that I no longer loved (and micro-managed by a boss who very clearly didn’t love me, or any of my co-workers 🙂 ). As I complained about the situation one night (for the millionth time!) to my husband, I came to the realisation that I’d been saying the same thing over and over again for a year (since our new boss had arrived) – not only was it negative and limiting, but I was starting to bore myself ;). I made the decision to resign and follow my heart, and found that my language changed too to reflect my new way of being. I started using language consciously as well to help me with my shift, and it was incredibly transformative.
Mags | Woo-Woo Wisdoms last blog post..Are You A Bonsai Tree?
Our words are very important in what we create in our world. I still have to work at watching what I say and think. The differences are well worth the effort. Great post. I have written several posts of my own on this topic, some of which were also inspired by Andrea’s words of wisdom.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Blessed By Strong Women—Happy Mother’s Day
Tom, you’ve urged me to take a closer look at the language and self-dialogue I practice with myself.
Sometimes we don’t realize how powerful that language we use with ourselves and others is. We may think we’re affirming positively, but with a closer look we can really add more umph and meaning to our intentions. =)
Jonathan
Jonathan Meads last blog post..5 Signs You’ve Married Your Problems (and how to divorce them)
Suzanne you’ve mentioned one of the greatest tools for transformation. That is bumping up our awareness so that we can catch ourselves in less than positive talk and or behavior. That is huge and can be used in many aspects of personal growth.
Andrea yes isn’t it amazing the results we can get just by changing the tone of our self-talk? One of these days I’m going to ask you to belt out that high register just so we can see if you still have it. J
Shilpan absolutely language is an attraction factor and perhaps it’s the most powerful of influences because it works to direct our creation whether our language is positive or less than positive.
Mags I always like your stories. J This time you reminded me of a nightmare sales manager I used to have. He blatantly stole your ideas and presented them as his own right in front of you! Like you, I complained and bitched about him for months until I realized that I needed a new strategy. I changed my self-talk and thoughts regarding him to one of the high respect. It was amazing. Within weeks he was treating me as a favored son.
Patricia I’m sure I’d enjoy your posts. Please feel free to come back here and link us to your most powerful post on language.
Karl you’ve hit on one of the most powerful realizations that create success. Above all we must act with confidence. That’s practically impossible when we are beating ourselves up.
Jonathan yes language almost always requires a closer look or hearing. My coaching clients are usually deaf to the negativity that they are supporting by their language. That’s why it’s so important to have a friend or coach who is willing to speak up when we are presenting a less than powerful story about ourseleves.
When we use language that encourages us we can become the success that we know is possible. If we make a mistake and we beat ourselves up about it then it destroys our confidence. The only way to make our dreams come true is to believe in what we offer and know that it will help others.
karl Staib – Your Work Happiness Matterss last blog post..How to Be a Woman at Work
This is such a great point Tom. I’m thinking of this in terms of using language to create openings or opportunities for action. The language we use creates a pathway for us to follow with our actions.
Thanks!
Erek
I eventually found how powerful, and extremely negative, my self-talk was. From something as simple as “you idiot,” when I would mistype a word in an email to something as significant as the slanderous things I would say to myself when I made a truly big mistake….at each and every opportunity, I would put myself down. Talk about a simple, but significant adjustment! Why ARE we often so much nicer to others than we are to ourselves?
Clem Gigliotti Jr.s last blog post..We Had a Website Once
Tom, thank you for inviting me to share my article. My most read article on this topic of language is called “Conscious Language—Using The Law Of Attraction More Effectively” found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/10/conscious-language-using-law-of.html . Let me know your thoughts about it. Again, thanks for allowing me to link to your article. I will do the same for your article on my blog.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Tag—You’re It—Another Meme
Erek I like that thought. Using consciously chosen language to open a pathway for opportunities is very wise and welcoming. It feeds our confidence as well.
Clem I’m very happy for you that you’ve come to a pijt of awareness surrounding your language. Why are we harder on ourselves than others, you ask? Because we have practiced listening to that critical voice more than the supportive one. You have an unconditionally loving and supportive voice that you can use for yourself as well. Just be aware and bring him out more often and it becomes natural.
Pat I see what you mean. Yes your article is a very good one with some of the same excellent points. 🙂 I’ve placed a comment on it over at your place.
Great post Tom! Our thought (internal conversations) are everything.
Those submodalities of necessity like ought, should, need etc are really damaging in temrs of making us feel bad but also eating away at self-esteem when we say we should do something and then don’t follow through with it.
I actually encourage clients to replace them with phrases such as like to, love to, want to etc. Not always realistic for some things but when they can be used without the unconscious saying “Yeh, whatever” they immediately alter the subjective experience.
The first batch invoke images of drooped shoulders and a miserable face the second the exact opposite. We set our own reality, so if we can fool our unconscious a few times into believing in our new reality then it will be so.
Cheers
Tim
Tim Brownsons last blog post..Attitude Is Everything
Tim I’m all for fooling our unconscious into supporting us to create what we want. It’s quite amazing to see the difference that a few changes in words can make. Especially when they offer the client more possibility, as you point out.
Tom,
You hit a homerun with this post. This is the best article written on this subject that I have seen. Thank you for your great and inspiring work.
Best regards,
Lance
Thank you for being here, doing exactly what you do 🙂
Nicholas Powiull (Conscious Flex)s last blog post..Frequently Asked Questions: by Nicholas Powiull
Wow…
I am on day 3 of the blast-off project and am very grateful for your encouragement and for the time you take to give us so much wonderful information.
I have started my own blog: havefunandprosper with the encouragement of the articles from your site and from Jonathan Mead.
Please continue your wonderful work.
ema
.-= Ema´s last blog ..It’s never to early or too late to go in a different direction ! =-.
Ema – Welcome! I love it when someone actually uses my ecourses as intended. Congratulations to you and your newfound energy to blog and propser.