Overcoming Fear

overcoming fearsOvercoming fear, so you can do what you really want to do, is much easier once you sort out the fears that aren’t even yours.

Take these three steps.

  1. Think about something that you’ve wanted to do for many years but just haven’t done it. On a sheet of paper write the completion to this sentence.   For years I’ve wanted to ……
  2. Now write this question. What are all the reasons I haven’t done that yet?
  3. Look at the reasons. How many of those excuses, justifications and rationalizations aren’t even your own? Highlight all of those that may not even be your own and see how few remain.

What if you knew for certain that most of your fears aren’t really your own?  Since they are false fears they won’t even come into play. If that were so would you make your move then?

When you put a higher value on what others may think of your actions than your own inner guidance you are doomed to failure. Even worse, you’re doomed to live a dull, waiting life that never becomes what it might have been.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Teddy Roosevelt

Teddy Roosevelt was resolutely himself, consistently and without apology.

What does that look like for you?

You were created with a special flare and style and when your special light shines its brilliance that brilliance is like no other. It’s your gift. You possess the potency and capacity to change the world simply by being you.

The best way to stand in a space of overcoming fear is to first let go off all the fears that really aren’t yours.

Do you have an original idea but delay starting because you fear failing?

If so, there is a very good chance that what you fear isn’t originally your thought.

Quit living your life running from someone else’s fear.

Your original idea is yours – your fears are others. Fearless living can be yours.

Answer the questions I gave you at the beginning of this post and you’ll begin to feel lighter and even fearless.

Fear of looking like a fool keeps you from getting what you want. Egbert Sukop

Let go of what others may think and say by following your own inner guidance.

Answer these questions and follow-through.

  1. What small action could I take today knowing that false fears won’t stop me?
  2. What is it (about my idea) that matters most to me that is also most valuable to others?
  3. What might be possible if I only chose me all of the time?

Overcoming fear that’s not originally your own will allow your special light to shine so you can come into your own. That’s all you need to end delay so you can do what you came here to do.

Schedule your complimentary strategy session today and together we’ll sort out the fears that really aren’t yours.

Fearless Living

scan0003Fearless living is a choice.

I want to inspire you to do something today from the raw, unblemished core of who you are.  I want to encourage you to act for today or even for one hour, as if there were nothing wrong with you.

I want you to boldly go where no man or woman has gone because only you can walk your path.

I’m asking you to do that because you can.

Abundance is doing what you can do right now.  Kim George

What stops you from living fearlessly?

What stops you from doing what you say you want to do?

My thoughts stop me.

What if everything brave and beautiful that you’ve ever wanted to create was stopped by a fearful thought?

We have become masters of fearful thinking.  We’re experts at labeling our maladies.

We call them procrastination, perfectionism, attention deficit disorder, overwhelm.

By labeling them we invite their existence, and by doing so we sentence ourselves to an unnecessary, more permanent experience of them.

I like this about my upbringing.  We didn’t have a lot of money so we couldn’t afford to label our maladies.  We sneezed, but we didn’t know about allergies.  As a result, we grew up allergy free.

At six years old, I slid down a muddy hillside and gashed a long, deep wound in my thigh.  Spending money for a doctor just wasn’t an option.  My parents cleaned it, disinfected it and wrapped it.  I felt taken care of and my leg healed, without a stitch.

We tell these stories now and laugh.  Home healing gets passed on.  Also at six years, my daughter Leslie, (that’s her in the air) ran and slid up on an old picnic bench.  A finger length sliver of wood splintered off in her rump.  I gave her the choice of a doctor visit or a Barbie Doll, if I pulled it out.  She chose the doll.

Reflecting now, I see that our greater gift was not the medical savings but the gift of acting swiftly without needing to slow down and label experiences as something bad.

I made a wonderful discovery when my kids were toddlers.  They’d fall down and smack their heads.  But in that instant of surprise, they’d look to us before reacting.  If we laughed they were infected by our laughter.  But if we showed concern, they cried.  As a result, they learned that pain wasn’t always bad.  Often pain is only surprising, until we label it as something else, by attaching a fearful thought to it.

Like many of you, I’ve worked through the emotional wounds of a less than nurturing upbringing.  But I think we are too quick to label our conditioning as limiting.  When we look for the good, we can see it.  I now see that my upbringing also spawned my natural optimism.

I’ve often been called unrealistic.  Harsher critics have said I’m avoiding, or in denial. They’re right.  I’m denying the need to explore what’s wrong with me.

I think it’s a waste of time.  I know it’s a waste of life.

We’ve made our temporary disorders more permanent by accepting them as our fate.  We say, “I have” a cold, like we own it.  We describe colds as though they have taken up permanent residence in our bodies.  Wouldn’t it be better to tell the truth?  Wouldn’t we be better off saying?  “The experience of a cold is now leaving my body.”

We declare, “I’m overwhelmed.”  “I’m a procrastinator.”  We describe ourselves as if our core identity is flawed.  These fearful labels are not who we are, but they have become misdiagnoses because we have thought them into being.

They become excuses and even bigger personal puzzles that we think we have to solve in order to be get what we want.

But really, haven’t we made all of this up?  Yes, thoughts are creative and most of us have advanced degrees in negative thinking.  But positive thinking isn’t the best answer either.

How about simply more acting and less thinking?

When we are living, we are creating.  We aren’t thinking but doing.

We fear the idea of something more than the thing itself.  Steve Chandler

Our minds are tricky and powerful.  We can believe that we “have” anything. We can believe that we can think our way out of any problem.  But while thinking so much, are we really living?

What might you create if you didn’t “have” anything?  No malady, disorder or disease, and not a single impediment, block or fearful thought?

Choose fearless living.  Act.  Do.  Create.  Walk your own bold path today.

Fearless Creators

Steve Chandler his book, Fearless, Creating the Courage to Change the Things You Can, inspired this post.  I’ve joined his Club Fearless and you can get his book free by joining.  This isn’t an affiliate program; this recommendation is my thanks to Steve for the inspiration to live fearlessly.

Davina Haisell for having the courage to try something new and create The Quote Effect.

Marelisa Fábrega for her relentless dedication to creativity.

Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears

For every entrepreneur who has already seized the freedom of self-employment, there are at least 10 who want to but hesitate to take the leap. As a coach, it’s obvious to me that these folks are looking at what they fear – rather than what they want. But how can we encourage them? How can we help them to take action in spite of their fears?

Here’s one way. As a card-carrying member of the Eternal Optimists’ Club, I often ask this question when faced with an unexpected challenge. What’s good about it?

This morning I began pondering what’s good about my fears? What’s the value of fears? Fears arise for a reason. Behind every fear is a path that leads to greater freedom and fulfillment. So one could reasonably argue that fears point to a value that we cannot see until we face the fear.

In order to bring forth our pure and fearless selves, we need to face and examine the fears that are coming up for us in the present moment. We won’t find the gold by being afraid to look, and we won’t find it by looking in the wrong place.

Often a coaching client will share that he or she is in a funk and doesn’t know what it is, or what has caused it. Then the client will begin an ineffective pursuit to find out why. Why do I feel this way? When struggling, do not seek to understand why it is that you struggle. You’ll seldom be able to find the truth from that perspective.

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

Instead, try making the assumption that you are fearful of something that needs further exploration. Instead of asking the judgment-laden question: What’s wrong with me? Or: Why am I feeling this way? Ask: What do I fear? If you are the kind of person who avoids facing your fears, you may have more than one fear. No sweat, just write them all down until the most demanding culprit reveals is itself. Then inquire internally to find one or more things that are good about the specific fear.

There is hidden gold waiting to be mined just beneath the surface of your fears. You just need an approach that will help you to see the gold. Below, I’ve offered five approaches to uncover it. First read the approach and then answer the accompanying fear identifier.

Fears point to decisions that need to be made.

What decision(s) have I been putting off?

Fears show us that greater truths need to be realized.

Since fears are imagined and not real, they are there to help us to transition to what is real. What greater truth am I not seeing because I’ve been afraid to look?

Fears alert us to potential danger.

What signs am I misreading or not seeing that could cause me harm?

Fears expose our erroneous self-judgments.

Where have I been doubting and judging myself without any proof that it’s true?

Fears show us what is stopping us by revealing our excuses.

What stories have I been telling myself in the form of excuses that stop me from taking action?

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie.

In order to be fearless, we need to face our fears as they arise. That way there is no build-up and nothing lying in wait that comes back to get us. Your fears are your friends. They exist to show you value that you haven’t yet seen. Don’t allow them to determine your destiny by fearing. Instead, allow them to shine a light on your optimum path by courageously facing them.

If you’ve read this far and still have fears, then you have yet to answer the questions above. Answer them and become the fearless creator you were meant to be.