Three Ways To Build Self-Confidence

We create unnecessary pressure in our pursuit of career or business success. Since both fulfillment and money are attracted to confidence, building your natural confidence is essential.

Here are the three most powerful ways to do so that I’ve learned in thirteen years of coaching.

1). Seek wisdom within, not without. Before you can start an authentic business you must believe in yourself enough to make the move. Beliefs determine possibility. Resolve and determination come from clearing limiting beliefs and accomplishing small wins.

Desire = Proof of Capacity. If you did not have what it takes to complete and idea – that idea would not have come to you. You are enough. In fact you are more than enough to complete the purpose you came here to complete. BUT you cannot keep searching for “the” secret to success on the outside. Your secret to success is only found within.

2). Make the decision you fear making the most. Decision-making is an active affair. Even if you’ve hit rock bottom and need to start completely over again you can do it by being more decisive. The best decisions are made and acted on. We are adaptable beings but if you remain a thinker and never a doer, you won’t get the opportunity to adapt. Without action your best possibilities remain hidden from your view.

Waiting serves no one. Any movement works. You must get in play and walk down the corridor to see what doors will open. You can’t see them without taking action. You’ll remain blind to your best opportunities unless you start now.

3). Understand and act on the basis that you are not your past. You only hesitate to do what you want to do because you believe more in your past than in your magnificent possibilities. Your past is primarily based on the erroneous assessments of others. Their opinions do not count when it comes to creating the life and business you want. You are far more than your past. Your past only exists to show you the wisdom of contrast. By seeing what you don’t want and filliping it – you’ll be able to see what you really want.

Your majorpoint of adjustment lies within none of these three.  Which is it for you?

It’s not too late; you can start completely over and make a fresh start.

You have what it takes to get what you want.

You can find your natural confidence.

You can see and make your special right path decision.

When you make that right path decision you will have the confidence to follow through and finish what you start.

If you’ve always wanted to make the leap to the freedom of self-employment but need more confidence then you can …

 Schedule a Confidently Make the Leap  – Free Strategy Session.

In this strategy session you will: 

  • Get really clear about the business you want to have.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from moving forward.
  • Plot out the right timing for you to make your move.
  • Identify the one thing that will give you the confidence to take the leap.
  • End the session inspired and knowing exactly what you need to do next to make your move.

Why Ask Why?

Frequently I run into life coaching clients who desperately dig to understand why they do or don’t do certain things.

They can see that these things aren’t working well so they reason, that if they understood their motivation, then they would cease repeating the wayward behavior.

Yet knowing why you persist in a behavior that’s not good for you won’t necessarily stop you from doing it.

I’ve coached lots of folks who did manage to understand that why and they still kept right on digging. They saw the real reason but didn’t accept it as the truth that it was.

Often things look too simple to be true. But they are.

So when faced with a recurring challenge it’s often fruitless to understand why. Why? Why is it fruitless?

Because the quest isn’t worth the prize. It often costs too much in expended energy for it to be worthwhile.

Often the quest for why will lead to a whole series of downward spiraling questions. Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? Why?

The quest for why often turns your attention and energy to more of what you don’t want.

The way to get what you want is to turn your attention and energy on what you want. Light that up!

So the next time you’re tempted to ask why, instead ask; what do I really want? Then ask, what would be likely to get me what I want? What could I do now to move just a little closer to what I want?

Then do that thing. You’ll be happier and much more productive.

Exploiting Your Authentic Edge

Do you know your authentic edge in the marketplace? Are you exploiting it for maximum value? Your authentic edge is the value that only you can provide in the way that only you can provide it.

I’ve never understood or agreed with those who claim that everything has already been invented, thought up or created.  That belief dishonors your individuality and your unique purpose.

I believe that each of us has an authentic edge that is a combination individual identity, desires and meaning. That combo, when enthusiastically expressed, is your positional advantage in the marketplace.

So how can you best identify and cash in on your authentic edge? This previous post will help you sharpen your edge.

But the best way to identify it, is to boil it all the way down to its core value.  Blow away everything but the three drivers (identity, desires and meaning) and see what paths become apparent when all distractions are removed.

Less is more. Simplicity is more attractive than complexity.  In my experience, the more complex a situation – the longer it takes to change it.

It takes longer because it requires more thought.  Since we tend to over think important decisions, more thought almost always leads to even more thought and costly delay.

If you really want to make the most optimum decision and take confident action use the following formula.

Simplicity leads more swiftly to clarity. >

Clarity encourages decision. >

Decision leads to action. >

Action further clarifies. >

Authenticity increases the probability of your decision being the best decision you could make now.  When it’s your best possible decision, then you are going to be at your highest level of confidence while following through.

Trust yourself.  You know far more than you think you do.

Less is more.   I wonder if my coaching clients would be better served if the only thing I coached them on was how to best identify these three critical drivers?

Identity > Who you are
Desires > What you want
Meaning > What matters most to you

The combination of these three will point to an obvious decision and follow-through actions.  Work it and you’ll begin to see clearer paths.

We all have a major decision to make that we aren’t making.  The best way to make it, is to ask more powerful questions to drive your quest.

What decision once acted on, would best honor who I am, get what I most want and positively change what matters the most to me?

The answer will point you in the sure direction of your highest value, which is your authentic edge.  What’s your authentic edge?

On October 20, join me for this Free phone class  Micro Business Startup Success; together we’ll find the edge of your highest value.

Make Your Best Business or Career Decision Now

Most either delay making tough, important decisions for far too long or decide much too quickly.  What’s up with that?  When did we begin associating discomfort with making the right career or business decision?

Decision-making means that when we say yes to something or someone, we must say no to some other thing or someone else.  Is it simply saying “no thank you” that brings up feelings of conflict?

Is that what causes poor decision-making for you?  Obviously both delay and impulsiveness can cause missed opportunities.

So how can you make your best career or business decision now?  You could call me today for a no-obligation coaching conversation  to see options that you are presently blind to.

Most of us have a major career or business decision to make and we aren’t making it.

I’ve recently come to believe that career decision-making is even more important that career discovery.

You might think that you just have to discover your true calling and all will be well.  But until you act on that calling and live it, you’ll remain unfulfilled.
What I know about you:

  • You know more than you give yourself credit for knowing.
  • You’re closer to seeing the right decision for you than you think you are.
  • You’re better equipped to follow-through than you think you are.
  • Your optimum choice of a business or career decision has already flown across the fleeting landscape of your mind.
  • You just need to validate your right choice and feel the right encouragement to make it.

If you knew the above to be true would you make your vital move now?

 

Five Blind Spots That Keep You From Seeing Your True Calling

I’ve dedicated the last ten years refining my true calling coaching process and it’s the most comprehensive and thorough career discovery process I’ve seen.

This process unveils who you are in startling, crystal clear detail. Most clients are able to leverage self-discovery to identify six or more true calling possibilities from which to choose. Yet for a few others, it’s not enough to simply know and understand who they are.

If you’re one of those folks I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. Realize that each of us processes inspirational information differently, so the same path of discovery, doesn’t work the same for everyone.

When you hit a wall you can either tunnel under it, climb over it, bust through it or walk around it. Sitting on the other side of the wall and moaning is ineffective. Just because a door of understanding opens for others, it doesn’t mean that it will for you.

We all suffer from experiential myopia. This creates a narrow-minded projection of our own personal experience, so that we believe the way that worked for us can work for all. This is especially dangerous for career coaches and authors who dispense true calling discovery advice.

We’ve been guilty of mindlessly spitting out oft-repeated, simple advice like. “Write down all the things you love to do.” Yet if you’ve been searching for your calling for years, without success, that suggestion makes you groan in despair. You’ve read it hundreds of times and tried to answer the question dozens of ways and still, you face the wall of not knowing your right career.

If you get this, maybe it’s time to consider the possibility of what you can’t see.

Some beliefs are so deeply lodged in our minds, that they become blind spots, blocking the opening to understanding. Just like the blind spot in a car mirror, you can be looking right at it and not see your calling because it just isn’t visible to you.

But if you’re willing to courageously consider the possibility of blind spots, by considering the root limiting belief, then you can inquire into it further. Inquiry may remove the block so you can climb over the wall and see your calling.

Warning! These beliefs may hit hard you hard, below the belt. You may not want to admit that something so simple has been blocking your vision. If you try one on and become defensive  – guaranteed there’s a personal truth there that you must investigate in order to be free.

1). Might you believe that a calling ought to reveal itself with certain attributes in a certain way? Perhaps you think that true callings are such a big deal, that if it were really your calling, it would come like a thunderbolt of clear profundity that rocks your soul. Not likely.

Perhaps our callings, the wisdom of our true natures, can only be hinted at, anyway – filtered through symbols, dreams, symptoms, happenstances, and synchronicities. Gregg Levoy

2). Might you believe that more time or more space will help you to figure out what you have not yet been able to figure out? My dear friend, please consider that it was your considerable ability to think that created the wall you face in the first place.

3). Might you believe that if you’d seen your true calling that you’d feel much more inspired, motivated or joyous than you do? This search for euphoric confirmation is most likely keeping you on the sidelines of true living. Like many of us you may not feel the delicious juice of deep satisfaction until after you engage your calling.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls. Joseph Campbell

Campbell didn’t tell us to first feel our bliss for the doors to open. For you to follow your bliss you’ve got to first walk down the hall to see what doors will open.

4). Might you believe that something is wrong with the world, your upbringing, the economy or the process or guidance you’re using? If you persist in believing that the issue slowing or blocking you, is outside of you – then you might as well give up and build a life on the unfulfilling side of the wall.

5). Might you believe that you can’t really play the game until you know for sure that your calling is the right game? Hope you see the unsolvable trap in this one. Truth is you can never confirm you’re in the right game by sitting on the sidelines.

If one of these hurt you, then you might have to admit the need to swallow a radical antidote.

You might just have to discover your calling the hard way. Why should that surprise you? You’ve spent years not discovering it the hard way. Hard or easy is so relative to your situation that it may not matter. You just want to find a way over the damn wall.

Here’s a major realization that I’ve recently had by being blessed with clients who had one or more of the above beliefs.

True calling discovery is not the most valuable process for some. Usually the decision to act on a calling comes after discovery but if discovery isn’t coming then decision must come first. Some have to decide first before they can discover their calling.

It may work for you to disintegrate your beliefs but if it doesn’t, please don’t wait to see your calling. If you take that path you may die with your music still in you.

So what can you do? You can work a comprehensive true calling decision-making process that forces you to identify and act on your best, educated true calling guess.

Then your hard way will ease up because courageous engagement creates clarity. But please don’t think you’ll figure it out. You can’t – it’s your mind that got you where you are and it will keep you there unless you jump over the wall with some radical new thinking.

I’d love to show you the way. Surprisingly making the decision first is often a shortcut to prosperity and fulfillment. Call 724-823-0317, to discuss your true calling path or enroll in this eye-opening class: How To Decide On The Best Business For You: Make Your Right Work Decision Now While The Window Is Open.

The Curse of Too Much Time Off

As a career coach, I’m often coaching folks in transition. Perhaps they’ve been laid off or they’ve cashed out and taken early retirement. Some take sabbaticals or extended disability leave, to get a clearer perspective on their life’s work. So far so good.

These folks all have a few things in common. They are in the enviable yet temporary position of having the time to think, without the pressure of earning new money any time soon.

So what do they do? They celebrate. They go overboard enjoying their freedom. Then a few months down the road, they start to panic because they still need to make a right work decision.

Then the real trouble begins. They start thinking too much. Too much thinking, with too little action, spoils a good time. Before they know it they’ve placed themselves in the unnecessary danger of wasting their wonderful opportunity.

I understand what contributes to this crazy behavior. Most folks have lots of unpleasant and unfulfilling work memories.

If this is you, I get it. I know that you may have never felt so free and alive when working and you do deserve a break.

I also know that you sense that there must be something better out there. Some of you even harbor secret thoughts of making your emancipation permanent by seizing the freedom of self-employment.

Some of you eventually get around to talking to a career coach, like myself, who specializes in career exploration and in building a true calling inspired business.

But here is the key. Most of you wait too long to get down to the serious decision-making. Why is that?

My theory is that your work memories are so challenging that you have put all future work in the same basket. You judge all work as something to be avoided and that makes you want to delay the process as long as possible.

Of course a calling isn’t like that. Your true calling is the work you were meant to do. But even a true calling inspired business, is better built in a relaxed, non-pressured environment.

You can’t really take a break from life. Making the right decision is an active process. Taking time off from work, can work for you, if you leverage it so that you know more about your options as your time off dwindles.

You might think you are putting off the decision to relieve tension but the more you avoid the decision the more tension you create.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is this. Anxiety is my friend. It signals a call to wiser action. It’s telling me to turn into the very storm that I want to run from. It’s telling me to drop down deep into my body and feel.

Already self-employed business owners do the same thing. You might have a strong hunch of a needed change but you avoid it because un-embraced anxiety feels scarier than the status quo.

Use your available time as the blessing it is. It’s only a curse if you squander it and invite pressure where there was once only curiosity.

Can you recall a time where you would have been better off to get right down to making a decision sooner?

If you’d like professional coaching, on turning into the storm and making your biggest life and work decisions, contact me and let’s talk. Your freedom waits.

Top Ten Tips For A Confident Career Change

confident career decisionConfidently making a career change comes first from you knowing and believing in yourself. Assured action then kicks in to confirm the  right move for you.  Use these ten tips to move from confused, doubtful and uncertain to enthusiastic confidence.

One framing, bonus tip before we begin.  Career wisdom most often comes in the form of active verbs rather than final professions. Fulfilling work is more about what you’d be doing rather than what you’re called while doing it.

Too many career seekers try too hard to see the end game.  They first try to identify the profession and that’s wrong.  Trying to imagine whether you’d like to be a butcher, baker or candlestick maker is putting the cart before the horse.

I’ve been career coaching for 12 years and here’s a question I ask every potential client.  “If the best career change for you, happens to be creating your own business, are you willing to seize the freedom of self-employment?

Any response less than a strong yes, generally means that a client is either unaware of or doesn’t agree with, one of the following career change truths.   If you’re hesitating with a career change decision, carefully look them over.  You’re solution is to understand and embrace the truth(s) you find yourself resisting the most.

1. The absence of risk often indicates that you’re playing too small. There is no such thing as authentically playing it safe.  You can’t compromise yourself into a fulfilling and successful career change.  Getting real has nothing to do with being realistic and everything to do with self-honor.

2. You can’t see around the bend without getting off your ass.
No matter how good a career decision looks on paper you really won’t know until you step into it.  You can’t see what doors may open until you walk down the hall.  Knowing that truth will allow you to keep your cool, stay present and observe.  Adjusting actions and seizing opportunities as they arise, can make a once shaky decision a brilliant one.

3. Ease into change or make the big leap but don’t straddle. Straddling the fence is painful because it hurts no matter which way you fall.  Change doesn’t have to be a big leap off the cliff.  You don’t have to immediately quit your job and leap.

Entrepreneurship isn’t right for everyone.   You could even begin taking control of your career and advance your professional goals by earning one of these online degrees MBA.  Some of us love the leap and don’t sweat burning bridges.  Others have more of a toe-in-the–water style.  Be who you are.  If you’re naturally an ease in to it person, be that in your change.  You can start small in scope but remain large in authenticity. One way of starting small authentically is to create an authentically inspired product.

4. You really won’t care as much about the money following. Money doesn’t always follow doing what you love.  However, do what you love and fulfillment does follow.  Once you taste fulfilling work you just won’t care about the money as much.  Then a funny thing happens.  Once you’re not so afraid about making money you become more confident. And money does follow confidence.

5. As long as you choose you can’t really lose.
The only way you can make a big mistake is to ignore the longings of your heart and stand pat.  Settling sucks, for a day or a decade.  Don’t waste another day in soulless work. The instant you know in your heart, that you’re unfulfilled, decide to choose another path.

6. Desire = Proof of Capacity.
If you didn’t have what it takes to turn your idea into a business or a fulfilling position – that idea would not have come to you. You are enough.  You have what it takes.  You are more than enough to live the purpose you came here to complete.

7. Quit worrying about looking like you know what you’re doing.

Fear of looking like a fool will keep you from getting what you want.  Egbert Sukop.

Few of us ever do actually know what we’re doing.  But we are remarkable beings in our ability to land on our feet.  Every thought you have about what someone else might think of you is pure bull.  They just don’t care that much.  Start being your own authority this minute. What you think about you is the only thought that counts.

8. Find and follow your enthusiasm. Journal. Observe. Take notes of every appealing idea.  If a certain business or career change appeals to you, dig deeper and identify exactly what you find appealing about it.  Look for and record all themes of enthusiasm; they are valuable signposts.  Your life has been nudging you in the right direction.  Open your eyes and notice the nudges.

9. Be sure to imagine the upside.
So much of change seems to over-emphasize the downside of what might go wrong.  Remember; the reason you’re seeking a career change is to be fulfilled and happy in your work.  Imagine how gloriously delightful it will soon be to bounce out of bed each morning eager to face the day.

10. It’s all about fit, first and foremost. If you are miscast in your work you are out of place.  Out of place means out of authentic alignment with who you are.  Out of alignment means out of luck and good fortune.  Be authentic and make your own luck by understanding your authentic career change elements.

Which tip do you need to embrace the most right now?

Want to discover your right work once and for all?  Contact Tom for an exploratory coaching session to find your career clarity. 

How To Extract Your Best Business Idea

You have powerful points of wisdom within that when expressed could be your authentic edge in the marketplace.  That wisdom represents better business ideas than anything your conscious mind realizes.

We talk a lot about authentic expression in terms of standing up for what’s important and in terms of life purpose but I don’t think we talk enough about our inner wisdom and how to extract it.

When you decide to express your well-earned inner wisdom you set yourself apart in remarkable ways.  It’s your wisdom and no one else can express and exploit it like you can.

Your best idea is waiting just below the surface, buried under your lack of willingness to dig and your fears.

How about instead of waiting for true calling epiphanies you take a look at how to dig deep and extract your own inner wisdom?

 

 

Major Wisdom Extraction Realizations

1). Forced Urgency is like a shortcut because it goes directly to the engagement of wisdom extraction.
2). With Increased Decisiveness you can discover, decide on and develop wisdom much more quickly than imaginable.

Forced Urgency

One of the most practical therapists I’ve ever read is Nathaniel Branden. He’s written classics such as The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and Taking Responsibility.  One technique that Branden uses to extract wisdom is the technique of Sentence Stem Completion.

When we intensify awareness, we tend to generate a need for action that expresses our changed psychological state.  Nathaniel Branden

By swiftly answering strategically chosen sentence stems, six days in a row, with at least six complete sentence endings, we access resources that normally remain hidden from our consciousness.

Without the exercise this wisdom does not normally show up in our behavior. This powerful technique doesn’t give enough time for self-doubt and questioning so resistance doesn’t rear its ugly head.

If you’d like me to email you complete instructions on this technique ask for them here.

Increased Decisiveness

Resistance adores delay. It will seize any excuse to delay you just long enough so that your original inspiration fades.  Resistance knows that when left to discipline alone you are more likely to give up.

Self-control is exhaustible.  Chip & Dan Heath from their book, Switch: How To Change When Change Is Hard

So if self control (willpower, discipline) is an exhaustible resource, it’s only a matter of time when burning adrenaline alone, you run out of fuel.

What’s the answer?  Increase your speed to action by making decisions much quicker and engaging them much sooner.  In a word, decisiveness.

Surprisingly speed inspires sounder decision-making than careful analysis. When you’re quick about it, the best ideas surface and it’s easier to pick out the viable ideas from among the junk.

We have assumed that taking longer and being more thorough is good for us.  But getting lost in the delay of over-analysis is always more costly than acting decisively and making lots of mistakes.

What’s your experience using forced urgency and greater decisiveness?

Free Business Confidence Podcast

I think it has a lot to do with these three factors.
1). They didn’t go deep and extract their waiting wisdom so the idea was not authentically aligned.
2). They never followed a firm, creation/completion process with supportive structure and environment.
3). They were not able to use discipline and willpower to follow-through.

 

You’re Brilliant!

You really are brilliant, you know.  Out of 6 billion of us on the planet there is no one like you.

That’s not some cruel joke.  There is meaning to your being.  But that meaning is wasted when you don’t do what you love for a living.

Your uniqueness is your greatest blessing.

Are you leveraging your uniqueness?

Are you expressing your authentic individuality by doing what you love?

If not what do you fear?

I know you’ve experienced flashes of your own brilliance.

I know you’ve felt authentic aliveness with the arrival of a bold new idea.

How many of those ideas have you had without even taking the next small step to acting on them?

How often do you set one half-completed project aside and jump to the momentary madness of yet another fresh idea that you’ll likely not complete?

What causes you to fear and not act?

What is it about the delicious inspiration in a brand new idea that causes you to momentarily lose your senses?

Is it because it carries with it an unconditioned and unspoiled promise?

Is it because you haven’t yet dishonored it by not acting?

Is it because it offers further relief from the discomfort of completing last week’s fresh idea?

I used to be affected by this kind of unproductive, uninspired behavior but since I have begun noticing how the energy of inspiration, I’ve been experiencing creation differently.

So I’m curious, what do you think is missing from your creative productivity process?

There’s really nothing wrong with your brilliant bad ass self.  You can do something brilliantly that is far more valuable than you ever contribute by copying the inspiration of another.

But if you can identify what’s missing – you can add it.

There’s a lot to be said for work habits and or inspiration that increase your speed to taking the first step.  Urgency bypasses the fear of our cognitive minds.  You can try this do what you love exercise and prove it to yourself.

What was missing for me was a real feeling of connection that inspires authentic aliveness.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit it but I think I’m one of those people who need to feel good about doing what I’m doing.

Some self-employed business owners develop the discipline to be productive regardless of their feelings.  But does creativity have to be a fight or can it be more of a flow?  It makes me wonder.

I wonder if for me and maybe others, a more effective approach is to generate good feelings about our ideas and projects so we are more authentically inspired to complete them.

Now generating good feelings of authentic aliveness is something that I know how to do.

It’s working so far.  Stay tuned for further developments.

In the meantime, lighten up and imagine how effective you might be if you regularly got unconditional supportive praise like the dude in my favorite commercial.

When you are ready to get really clear on what you want seize this opportunity.

Beliefs Are Bad For Business

Beliefs are sneaky.  Beliefs influence our ability and restrict opportunities often without us even being aware that we have them.  It’s a sound business practice to frequently examine and question your beliefs.

Beliefs can limit flexibility and openness while promoting rigidity.  Rigidity tends to limit opportunity.  Incredibly we often believe things for which we have no proof, especially when it comes to matters of self-assessment.

Belief is putting regard in something as true. This wide range of synonyms astounded me because they all can be used to describe a belief even though they inspire quite different meaning strength.

Synonyms: acceptance, admission, assent, assumption, assurance, avowal, axiom, certainty, conclusion, confidence, conjecture, conviction, credence, credit, deduction, divination, expectation, faith, fancy, feeling, guess, hope, hypothesis, idea, impression, intuition, judgment, knowledge, mind, mindset, notion, opinion, persuasion, position, postulation, presumption, presupposition, profession, reliance, supposition, surmise, suspicion, theorem, theory, thesis, thinking, trust, understanding, view.

Some beliefs can seem very flimsy, especially when we think of a belief as an assumption, a guess, a notion or merely a feeling.

But that’s how all beliefs take root.  We hear someone say something or read it and we assume it to be true.  A statement can be made about your own capacity or about business in general and you could lose out because of your belief in that statement.

Anyone and everyone occasionally can get down on herself or himself.  The good news is that we don’t have to get down and stay there.  Worrying about beliefs is wasteful.  It’s far more productive to use language and questioning to challenge our limiting beliefs.

Worry is an abuse of imagination.  Steve Chandler

Of course not all beliefs are limiting or negative some can be very inspiring.  But even positive beliefs can be limiting.  It makes me question whether we’d be better off without beliefs at all. Would it really matter if we just experienced life in the moment as it comes?

Here are some empowering questions to challeneg and refresh your beliefs.

What do I believe that does not serve me well about my business or myself?

Can I point to proof that supports this belief?

What would I rather believe?

What do I want to believe about my business or myself?

What could I do now to create what I want?

What limiting beliefs would I be better off simply letting go?

What one thing am I creating that uplifts me?

How could I increase my willingness to start fresh with a beginners mind and boldly create that thing?