Three Ways To Build Self-Confidence

We create unnecessary pressure in our pursuit of career or business success. Since both fulfillment and money are attracted to confidence, building your natural confidence is essential.

Here are the three most powerful ways to do so that I’ve learned in thirteen years of coaching.

1). Seek wisdom within, not without. Before you can start an authentic business you must believe in yourself enough to make the move. Beliefs determine possibility. Resolve and determination come from clearing limiting beliefs and accomplishing small wins.

Desire = Proof of Capacity. If you did not have what it takes to complete and idea – that idea would not have come to you. You are enough. In fact you are more than enough to complete the purpose you came here to complete. BUT you cannot keep searching for “the” secret to success on the outside. Your secret to success is only found within.

2). Make the decision you fear making the most. Decision-making is an active affair. Even if you’ve hit rock bottom and need to start completely over again you can do it by being more decisive. The best decisions are made and acted on. We are adaptable beings but if you remain a thinker and never a doer, you won’t get the opportunity to adapt. Without action your best possibilities remain hidden from your view.

Waiting serves no one. Any movement works. You must get in play and walk down the corridor to see what doors will open. You can’t see them without taking action. You’ll remain blind to your best opportunities unless you start now.

3). Understand and act on the basis that you are not your past. You only hesitate to do what you want to do because you believe more in your past than in your magnificent possibilities. Your past is primarily based on the erroneous assessments of others. Their opinions do not count when it comes to creating the life and business you want. You are far more than your past. Your past only exists to show you the wisdom of contrast. By seeing what you don’t want and filliping it – you’ll be able to see what you really want.

Your majorpoint of adjustment lies within none of these three.  Which is it for you?

It’s not too late; you can start completely over and make a fresh start.

You have what it takes to get what you want.

You can find your natural confidence.

You can see and make your special right path decision.

When you make that right path decision you will have the confidence to follow through and finish what you start.

If you’ve always wanted to make the leap to the freedom of self-employment but need more confidence then you can …

 Schedule a Confidently Make the Leap  – Free Strategy Session.

In this strategy session you will: 

  • Get really clear about the business you want to have.
  • Discover the number one thing stopping you from moving forward.
  • Plot out the right timing for you to make your move.
  • Identify the one thing that will give you the confidence to take the leap.
  • End the session inspired and knowing exactly what you need to do next to make your move.

Make Your Best Business or Career Decision Now

Most either delay making tough, important decisions for far too long or decide much too quickly.  What’s up with that?  When did we begin associating discomfort with making the right career or business decision?

Decision-making means that when we say yes to something or someone, we must say no to some other thing or someone else.  Is it simply saying “no thank you” that brings up feelings of conflict?

Is that what causes poor decision-making for you?  Obviously both delay and impulsiveness can cause missed opportunities.

So how can you make your best career or business decision now?  You could call me today for a no-obligation coaching conversation  to see options that you are presently blind to.

Most of us have a major career or business decision to make and we aren’t making it.

I’ve recently come to believe that career decision-making is even more important that career discovery.

You might think that you just have to discover your true calling and all will be well.  But until you act on that calling and live it, you’ll remain unfulfilled.
What I know about you:

  • You know more than you give yourself credit for knowing.
  • You’re closer to seeing the right decision for you than you think you are.
  • You’re better equipped to follow-through than you think you are.
  • Your optimum choice of a business or career decision has already flown across the fleeting landscape of your mind.
  • You just need to validate your right choice and feel the right encouragement to make it.

If you knew the above to be true would you make your vital move now?

 

How To Extract Your Best Business Idea

You have powerful points of wisdom within that when expressed could be your authentic edge in the marketplace.  That wisdom represents better business ideas than anything your conscious mind realizes.

We talk a lot about authentic expression in terms of standing up for what’s important and in terms of life purpose but I don’t think we talk enough about our inner wisdom and how to extract it.

When you decide to express your well-earned inner wisdom you set yourself apart in remarkable ways.  It’s your wisdom and no one else can express and exploit it like you can.

Your best idea is waiting just below the surface, buried under your lack of willingness to dig and your fears.

How about instead of waiting for true calling epiphanies you take a look at how to dig deep and extract your own inner wisdom?

 

 

Major Wisdom Extraction Realizations

1). Forced Urgency is like a shortcut because it goes directly to the engagement of wisdom extraction.
2). With Increased Decisiveness you can discover, decide on and develop wisdom much more quickly than imaginable.

Forced Urgency

One of the most practical therapists I’ve ever read is Nathaniel Branden. He’s written classics such as The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and Taking Responsibility.  One technique that Branden uses to extract wisdom is the technique of Sentence Stem Completion.

When we intensify awareness, we tend to generate a need for action that expresses our changed psychological state.  Nathaniel Branden

By swiftly answering strategically chosen sentence stems, six days in a row, with at least six complete sentence endings, we access resources that normally remain hidden from our consciousness.

Without the exercise this wisdom does not normally show up in our behavior. This powerful technique doesn’t give enough time for self-doubt and questioning so resistance doesn’t rear its ugly head.

If you’d like me to email you complete instructions on this technique ask for them here.

Increased Decisiveness

Resistance adores delay. It will seize any excuse to delay you just long enough so that your original inspiration fades.  Resistance knows that when left to discipline alone you are more likely to give up.

Self-control is exhaustible.  Chip & Dan Heath from their book, Switch: How To Change When Change Is Hard

So if self control (willpower, discipline) is an exhaustible resource, it’s only a matter of time when burning adrenaline alone, you run out of fuel.

What’s the answer?  Increase your speed to action by making decisions much quicker and engaging them much sooner.  In a word, decisiveness.

Surprisingly speed inspires sounder decision-making than careful analysis. When you’re quick about it, the best ideas surface and it’s easier to pick out the viable ideas from among the junk.

We have assumed that taking longer and being more thorough is good for us.  But getting lost in the delay of over-analysis is always more costly than acting decisively and making lots of mistakes.

What’s your experience using forced urgency and greater decisiveness?

Free Business Confidence Podcast

I think it has a lot to do with these three factors.
1). They didn’t go deep and extract their waiting wisdom so the idea was not authentically aligned.
2). They never followed a firm, creation/completion process with supportive structure and environment.
3). They were not able to use discipline and willpower to follow-through.

 

You’re Brilliant!

You really are brilliant, you know.  Out of 6 billion of us on the planet there is no one like you.

That’s not some cruel joke.  There is meaning to your being.  But that meaning is wasted when you don’t do what you love for a living.

Your uniqueness is your greatest blessing.

Are you leveraging your uniqueness?

Are you expressing your authentic individuality by doing what you love?

If not what do you fear?

I know you’ve experienced flashes of your own brilliance.

I know you’ve felt authentic aliveness with the arrival of a bold new idea.

How many of those ideas have you had without even taking the next small step to acting on them?

How often do you set one half-completed project aside and jump to the momentary madness of yet another fresh idea that you’ll likely not complete?

What causes you to fear and not act?

What is it about the delicious inspiration in a brand new idea that causes you to momentarily lose your senses?

Is it because it carries with it an unconditioned and unspoiled promise?

Is it because you haven’t yet dishonored it by not acting?

Is it because it offers further relief from the discomfort of completing last week’s fresh idea?

I used to be affected by this kind of unproductive, uninspired behavior but since I have begun noticing how the energy of inspiration, I’ve been experiencing creation differently.

So I’m curious, what do you think is missing from your creative productivity process?

There’s really nothing wrong with your brilliant bad ass self.  You can do something brilliantly that is far more valuable than you ever contribute by copying the inspiration of another.

But if you can identify what’s missing – you can add it.

There’s a lot to be said for work habits and or inspiration that increase your speed to taking the first step.  Urgency bypasses the fear of our cognitive minds.  You can try this do what you love exercise and prove it to yourself.

What was missing for me was a real feeling of connection that inspires authentic aliveness.  I’m almost embarrassed to admit it but I think I’m one of those people who need to feel good about doing what I’m doing.

Some self-employed business owners develop the discipline to be productive regardless of their feelings.  But does creativity have to be a fight or can it be more of a flow?  It makes me wonder.

I wonder if for me and maybe others, a more effective approach is to generate good feelings about our ideas and projects so we are more authentically inspired to complete them.

Now generating good feelings of authentic aliveness is something that I know how to do.

It’s working so far.  Stay tuned for further developments.

In the meantime, lighten up and imagine how effective you might be if you regularly got unconditional supportive praise like the dude in my favorite commercial.

When you are ready to get really clear on what you want seize this opportunity.

Back Up One Step and Choose Your Right Path

Success can be very simple.  istock_000003253553small

We needlessly complicate both life and business.

Use this checklist and locate where you are.

Make the necessary adjustment and get unstuck.

1). If you are not celebrating enough then be grateful more often.

2). If you are not grateful often enough then complete more often.

3). If you are not completing enough then act boldly more often.

4). If you are not taking bold action often enough then ruthlessly simplify and commit to less.

5). If you are not committing to a few consciously chosen priorities then be more decisive.

6). If you are not being decisive enough then go deeper within and tell the truth to yourself more often.

If you are not going deep enough to see your truth then what in the hell are you doing here?

Both life and business need your willingness and enthusiasm in order to thrive.

Not sure of your next best step to launch your new business? Then join me on June 17 for a FREE group coaching experience that will guide you right.

Daily Decision Strategy

Making decisions is essential to success. Without a decision, we cannot follow through and complete.

This truth seems so basic and obvious.  Why then do so many get so hung up in daily indecision?   I’m sure you know that completing priority items is optimum.  But decision making requires courage and sometimes we’d rather distract ourselves than choose.

The Daily Decision strategy works well on the tail end of the Go Direct strategy. Understanding and using the Daily Decision strategy causes one to quit second-guessing and to complete.

This strategy is not used for momentous career and business decisions.  It’s best used for daily personal productivity enhancement.  If you find yourself questioning what you’ve accomplished at the end of the day – this strategy is for you.

The marketplace pays us for completions.

Daily Decision Strategy Steps

1). Choose two, and only two, important things to complete today.
2). Identify what completion looks like so you’ll know it’s complete.
3). Schedule a time (I use one hour per item), set a timer and remove yourself from all other distractions (turn off email, phones, etc.) until complete.
4). Choose only things that meet these criteria:  A) You are eager bring your best to it.  B) Its completion inspires you.  C) Its completion creates progress for a greater objective.
5). Complete both items in the time allotted.

Inspiration and eagerness are vital to completion because obligation is resistance and you can’t complete something while fighting it at the same time.

Understanding Decision

Strategies are often deceptively simple to follow but laden with hidden blessings when followed.  Often these energetic blessings provide greater value, in the form of well being, than the completion itself.

But there’s a downside as well.  When we talk a good game but don’t follow-through on a strategy, we create unrest and self-doubt.

Actually using the Daily Decision Strategy brings forth five powerful energies, all directed for your greater greater good.  Yet it’s impossible to enjoy the five following energies without first making a decision.  Declaring what you want is essential.

1). Energy of Decision – Decision expands possibilities through trial and error.  Increased mistakes lead to more options, which create more opportunities, which always lead to greater freedom.  Decision making brings determination, resolve, boldness and a fixed purpose, which is built right into this strategy.

2). Energy of Commitment – Your commitment is your pledge and promise to fully engage in what you say is important to you.  Commitment is your assurance that you can trust yourself.  Clients new to coaching will often over-commit.  While you are getting the hang of this strategy, it’s important to promise less and to fulfill every promise.

3). Energy of Accountability – Accountability proves your responsibility or your ability to respond.  When we tell our intentions to another, we’ve stepped our game up a notch.  We’ve decreased the possibility of failure simply because another person is aware of our plans.

4). Energy of Self-Honor – Holding oneself in the respect of high regard brings a scared element of esteem along with the characteristics of integrity and courage.  Without honor we betray our original blessing of capability and we feel the shame of non-action.

5). Energy of Completion – Completion creates integration between you and your desires. Completion is conclusion, fulfillment and fruition, which are necessary to recognize your own competence to life.

Using the Daily Decision strategy will boost your objectives forward while increasing your joy and fulfillment.  Feel the natural power in decision, commitment, accountability, honor and completion and you’ll no longer question what you’ve accomplished at day’s end.

Decide.  Commit.  Be Accountable.  Honor Yourself.  Complete.

How To Play a Bigger Business Game

istock_000005171756xsmallIn my small business coaching, when I come across struggling small businesses, it’s often because they lack the driving focus of a clear business purpose.  Is your business purpose clear enough to burn your boat on the shore?

Using the game model of business building provides a committed purpose.  Playing the game of business is more focused, effective  and fun.

Games have beginnings, midpoints and ends.  Games have ground rules for guidance.  Games have clear objectives and you know when you’ve won.

But the business game model doesn’t work if you just go through the motions.  Uninspired business building sucks almost as much as working in a job that does not bring you alive.

Fortune favors the bold.  Virgil

In order to engage massive inspired action, one must be pumped about playing a bigger business game.  What does playing a bigger game mean to you?

To truly play a bigger game one must embrace:
1).  Greater Decisiveness
2).  Unwavering Commitment
3).  Laser-like Focus and
4).  Swift Follow-Through.

Be inspired to a Viking-like commitment.

Playing a bigger business game is not rocket science.   If you’ve ever competed, you know how eager you are to score and win.  Do you have that level of eagerness in your business building?

If not then perhaps you’re following someone else’s business dream and not your own.  It’s hard to get pumped up about a second or third place dream.

Winning requires enthusiasm.  Without enthusiasm, bold commitment feels more like obligation than eagerness.

Do you feel more obligated than eager to build your business?

Then you may want to play a bigger business game.

Recently I offered the experience of this game at no charge.  Just being on the phone and present with others who are bold enough to go for a bigger game is a lift in itself.

The opportunity to be stretch coached on your most pressing business challenges is invigorating.  I coached my top three strategies to play a bigger business game.

But are you committed enough to follow-through?  Many aren’t and that’s why I raised the participation bar for this free experience.  Here’s the class description.

Breakthrough Business Coaching; How to Quit Messing Around, Turn Your Life Around & Play a Bigger Game

To the degree that your life sucks, your business suffers.  Everything’s connected to your fearful thoughts and it all counts.  It’s time to quit underestimating your capacity.  If you’re ready to set aside your fears, boldly turn things around and play a bigger game to win; here’s your shot.

This call is not for wussies or for those who cannot focus enough to follow-through with simple requests.  After registering you will receive an email from Tom that requires another action.  If you can’t follow-through, please don’t waste the time of those of us who are seriously intending to create a breakthrough.

Of 14 who registered, 7 followed through and 6 of those 7 actually showed up.  Raising the bar allows the cream to rise to the top.

Would you make the cut?

It’s challenging to play a bigger game while standing on the sidelines.  It’s impossible to play a bigger game if you’re still in the stands watching others play and win.

What do you think of the game business model?

Grounding Your Small Business Vision

This post presents an effective and strategic decision-making process that will ground your small business vision in a rock solid foundation.

Work this process and you’ll have a big picture vision to create your ideal business in the coming year. Before taking action, it’s important to zoom out and see the big picture of what you want to build.

Zooming out and deciding on an ideal business vision is an essential step before zooming in to decide on tactics and actions, for two reasons.

1). You’ll be better able to prioritize, focus and act on what you want.

2). You’ll be better equipped to discern which outside offers and influences are aligned with what you want and which are not.

This clarity will reduce overwhelm and allow you to fully commit. Commitment does not follow indecision; and, success is not reached without commitment.

To nail down your business clarity it’s enlightening to first look through these three filters so that your existing beliefs can be supported and/or challenged as needed. We only know what we think we know, so checking in is wise.

1). Decide on your overarching business model.

It’s important to decide on a business model in advance and make decisions congruent to that model. This decision will minimize internal resistance and allow your confidence to build.

In essence, no model is good or bad. However, model congruency is essential for success. It’s ineffective to jump back and forth between models because then there is no solid foundation to build upon.

I use an authentic business-building model that says business success is generated to the degree that the individual engages and expresses her unique capacities. In this model, the authenticity of the business owner equates to greater world service and greater value exchanged.

A slightly different business model is: identify a need and fill it. This model places emphasis on one’s ability to accurately find a target market with a clearly definable need and to develop products and services to fill that need. So the need becomes the primary alignment factor in making strategic decisions and all other considerations are secondary.

A third model is: create a business to sell. This model places an emphasis on creating systems that anyone could direct. The business intention is to create measurable value which builds so the business can be sold at a profit and run successfully by the new owner. Thus clearly defined, detailed procedures and universal systems are the aligning business building criteria. Franchising is an example of this model in action.

It’s important to not be fundamentally rigid in your thinking because value can be gained by adopting principles of each model. Certain situations are best addressed by being flexible and applying the best from many models. This works as long as you first choose one model as your primary decision-making guide.

2). Be aware of semantical judgments.

For example, I’ve always preferred the phrase “true calling” to “life purpose.” For me, “life purpose” seems too permanent or rigid. I prefer “true calling” because it feels right to be called from within to my vocation. However, if I allowed my bias to direct my decision-making, I’d deny myself the available wisdom that’s offered in the language of life purpose. Look for useful wisdom and value regardless of the implied word meanings that it comes packaged within. This is another one of those sticking points that we need to be aware of. We just can’t see what we can’t see so use these filters to check for hidden sludge points.

3). First – be your own counsel.

There is no shortage of business advice available to us; but it’s often not presented in a way that can be easily adapted to our unique needs and abilities. It’s critical to identify the potential personal value of outside influences so we can separate useful tools from wrong path distractions.

Since we are constantly motivated by our unmet needs and by our drive to feel better, we’re frequently tempted to rush to a solution because a well-written offer appears to satisfy an emotional craving.

Essentially, every decision we make is made to relieve tension or to achieve an objective. Unfortunately, when we make a decision for tension relief – the relief is only temporary. That’s why it’s necessary to have a solid grounding in your own proactively determined, strategic decisions.

First, decide exactly what you want – then business building becomes simpler because your choices are less.

Have you stepped back and considered the big picture?

Ideally and specifically, what about your business do you want to experience differently next year? Use this chart to decide.

1). Add additional criteria if it’s lacking for you.
2). Decide if you want more or less of each, next year.
3). Rank the criteria in order of importance with 1 being the most important.
4). Looking at what you want, write out a description that energizes you.
5). Further solidify your vision by frequently feeling its manifestation as if you were already in the midst of living it.

Make your description powerfully attractive so you’ll want to power it up frequently. There are many effective tools available to accomplish this, from vision boards to mind movies. I like to record my own declaration, in present moment language, of the ideal business I’m in the midst of building. I record it with baroque classical music playing in the background and listen to it frequently.

Don’t be too concerned with the “how to” just yet. Options will gradually surface as you ground your vision by clearly deciding and committing to what you want. In my next post, I’ll share some tools to zoom in on actions that you can do now. From the vantage point of a grounded vision, we’ll discuss how to stretch your beliefs beyond what you see as possible.

Let’s talk. Do you have a business vision that pumps you up? What about your ranking surprised you? What business model are you following?

Clarity Empowers Progress

When we are crystal clear about where we are and where we want to be, we create less stress and more often hit targeted objectives. It’s darn hard to find our true calling when we aren’t willing to be clear and specific about how we want our life’s work to be.

Enhanced efficiency and effectiveness in the quest for authentic work is more prevalent when we are confidently clear about what we want. And I don’t mean being clear about being a butcher, a baker or a candlestick maker. Selecting an already existing profession can be the deadest of ends. I do mean being clear about how we want to feel in the enjoyment of our ideal work.

Don’t Tell Me What You Don’t Want

Most folks when asked what they want, will clearly answer with what they don’t want. They can tell you how unfair their boss is and how uninspiring the work is.

Or they’ll tell you a story about how hard it is to decide on what they really want. Or they’ll try to convince you that the time is not right to dedicate working on what they want. Some will even present a compelling case explaining why it’s not possible for them to get what they want.

Have you ever wondered why so many are so good at explaining all about what they don’t want?

Why do you think so many suck at just saying what it is that they want?
They already hate their job, how much worse could it possibly get?

You Can’t Get There From Here

The clarity of exactness and preciseness increases the probability of intentional manifestation. Maybe that’s what keeps many from choosing. A couple of participants on a recent group coaching call, supporting our community leveraging experiment, admitted as much.

When we definitely state what we want, in stark specificity, we have chosen, haven’t we? Perhaps that’s why folks choose to remain confused and general because you can’t really commit to a generality, can you?

Try dedicating yourself to excellence in vagueness. Yes you can develop the inspired confidence to move mountains but you’ve got to identify the damn mountains! If you don’t commit then you can’t fail but you can’t succeed either. Without clarity and inspired commitment your only choice is to remain safely frozen in whatever waiting hell you’ve created.

You Can Only Get There From Here

The clarity of exactness and preciseness increases the probability of intentional manifestation by creating a living laboratory for evolutionary learning. In succeeding or in failing we see greater openings for opportunity.

Safety is a myth. Certainly more of us are realizing that the only true economic and emotional security is found within self-created opportunities of self-employment. Calling your own shots includes controlling your own firing squad. It’s not pretty when someone else lines you up from dismissal.

What You Can Do Now

You can embrace this lesson and insert greater clarity, decisiveness and specificity into every aspect of your life. Practice being bold and confident; never again ask, “What are you having?” Order what you want in every aspect of life and you will have increased your probability of getting it.

Yes, clarity and specificity forces commitment and that’s a very good thing.

Now I’m going to tell you a little known secret to discovering the work or business of your dreams.

A wild ass guess from the depths of your own gut and heart is far better than any copycat plan designed by another. Career Coach Tom Volkar

How about you? Could you more exactly state what you want?

“Whatever” Sucks – Commitment Rocks

How might your life change if you truly, deeply committed to every decision you made?

Have you noticed that more and more people are trying to skate by with a lack of commitment to anything? Rather than thinking, deciding and committing, many seem to take what they think is the easy way out – avoiding, procrastinating and riding the fence.

The other day my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend dishonored me with a cowardly “whatever” in response to a suggestion I made. “Whatever” really pisses me off. “Whatever” comes across as: “I’m not willing to expend the energy to tell you whether I agree with you or not – you aren’t worth the respect of a considered reply.”

If that’s the case, why not have the guts to simply say so instead of hiding behind the cowardly non-commitment of whatever?

How many of your decisions are made with the no-turning-back determination and commitment of a Viking crew burning their boat?

A decision is a position one reaches after consideration.
A commitment is a pledged course of action that carries the strength of a guarantee.
Yet a commitment is only as good as the decision that preceded it.
When decisions are reached without determination and consideration they are too weak to benefit from the engagement of commitment.
How might your life change if considered every decision and committed deeply to them?
Certainly you’d fail less by being truly committed more often. When we have difficulty keeping our promises to ourselves we often look to make productivity adjustments. But the core issue may go deeper than that. Perhaps productivity and performance problems do not stem from a lack of discipline or accountability. Perhaps the core issue is the decision that preceded the commitment.
Thoughtful consideration and considered, sacred committing every time would result in making far fewer commitments and following-through on far more of them.

There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either in or out. There’s no such thing as a life in-between. Pat Riley

I wish we all had the benefit of being coached by Mr. Riley. Then so many of us wouldn’t act like there was a third option – indecision.
The failure to make a decision often expends more energy than the work it takes to follow through on one.

When making a career change many are afraid of making the wrong choice. But what we really ought to be afraid of is wasting our lives putting off decisions we know we need to make.

It’s impossible to commit to an unmade decision.

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. Carlos Castaneda

As an advocate of work life freedom and happiness through authentic expression, I often see people hesitate to make their move. They hesitate for many reasons but what really stops them is a failure to definitely commit.

There’s no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love. There is only a scarcity of resolve to make it happen. Wayne Dyer

Committing to an original and magnificent dream is a very courageous decision. It’s no less courageous than committing to a lifetime with one man or one woman. Yet this commitment is between your authentic self, and your pledge on how you will serve the world.

Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got. Janis Joplin

You might ask, how do I find that level of courage? The answer is practice and increased awareness. Do practice telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Make decisions and follow through on every one of them both large and small. Raise your awareness of all the options when deciding. Practice by telling people what you really think of their suggestions. Say no thank you, more often when that’s really what you want. By strengthening our commitment muscle on the little decisions we are more apt to be strong when it really counts.

Strength is a matter of the made-up mind. John Beecher

Here’s the kicker. We all are waffling on something. Our conditioning is to avoid conflict and we mistakenly think we can put off essential decisions. We cannot. We may think that we are can avoid committing by putting off deciding. But we’re fooling ourselves. What we really want is to stand up and follow-through.

What commitment do you most need to make today?