Pump Up Your Personal Power

I was eleven years old, watching The Three Stooges, on a fall afternoon.  I heard a loud insistent knock at the back door and, upon opening it, I saw my neighbor, Little Larry, all out of breath and crying.  A hunter mistakenly shot his dog Lobo.  Lobo was suffering and needed help.

Larry’s family didn’t own a gun and he knew that my Dad did.  But I was the only one home and I had played with Lobo.  I was torn and afraid and I didn’t want to do it. I just wanted to cry like Larry was, or run from the responsibility.  The last thing I wanted to do was to feel my feelings.
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Struggling small business owners often ask, “What’s wrong with me?”  It’s really easy to fall into the trap of self-judgment when things don’t turn out as planned.  It can be especially frustrating when it seems as though many others are succeeding.

But, what if there is nothing inherently wrong with you?  What if you have the capacity to succeed in business but you’re not fully using your personal power?

It’s not a question of your makeup; you have what it takes to succeed. But what if you are not giving it your all?  You might think you are, but if you’re holding back on feeling your feelings fully, then you’re operating at a fraction of your available personal power.  Decide to hold back no more – direct all of your personal power for life and business success.

In my life coaching practice, I’ve coached many men and a few women who did everything they could to avoid feeling negative emotions.  Once we do some digging, the memory of a major childhood trauma often surfaces.  Some clients have avoided feeling feelings for 30 years or more.  Some hurt so badly that they refuse to even discuss it.

Yet they can’t confidently express the personal power necessary to be a successful entrepreneur, while still holding back on their feelings.

My authentic business success did not fully happen, until I changed back into the championship feeler that I once was.  Authenticity can be your edge for business success. But it’s impossible to be fully authentic if you aren’t feeling everything.

Back to Lobo, up until that time, I wore my emotions on my sleeve.  If you hurt, me I cried.  If something scared me, I cried.  If I was embarrassed or ashamed about something, I cried.  Back then, when the emotions arose, I felt them naturally and then felt better.

But growing up in the macho fifties, that presented a big problem.  Every adult male in my life, including my Dad, told me to “quit crying, suck it up and be a man.”

This was in the country, in 1961, and people just didn’t spend money on veterinarians.  Larry knew that the merciful thing to do was to end Lobo’s suffering.  I agreed, but my Dad wasn’t home.  Then something clicked in my eleven-year-old mind.  I saw this as an opportunity to take the advice of my Dad, uncles, and male teachers.  I needed to suck it up and be a man.

Suddenly I knew what I had to do.  I got the shotgun and a shell out of the closet and walked down over the hill with Larry.  It was hard looking at Lobo and knowing that I was ending his life.  We’d played and run together many times.

But I sucked it up and I did it.  And I can remember walking back up the hill to my house as clear as it was yesterday.  A tearful feeling began deep in my chest, and just when it was at throat level and about to explode, I stopped it.

I swallowed my feelings and locked them up in some dark well.  I sucked it up.  I was a man.  I didn’t shed another tear for 38 years and I hated it.  I was stone-faced miserable and more afraid than when I freely cried.

If you’re a guy that’s buying that same bull, or if you know a guy (or gal) who is, please take this message to heart. You won’t really be a strong man or woman until you learn to feel all of your feelings, as they arise.

How?  First understand the benefits of feeling fully.  That understanding will help you to want to feel.  Then you need a process that will work for you.  There is none better than John Gray’s process in his book, How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have .

I’ve recommended it dozens of times in my life coaching practice and it almost always gets my clients feeling once again. It’s effective because it gives us a powerful way to first feel what’s there. Then after feeling it, we can choose something that feels better.

In Chapter 11, Gray shares this list of 12 negative emotional states.
1. “I am angry.”
2. “I am sad.”
3. “I am afraid.”
4.  “I am sorry.”
5. “I am frustrated.”
6. “I am disappointed.”
7. “I am worried.”
8.“I am embarrassed.”
9.“I am jealous.”
10. “I am hurt.”
11. “I am scared.”
12. “I am ashamed.”

These states are expertly listed, in a special order such that even if you don’t immediately, correctly identify which emotion you’re feeling, the process will correct your course in mid-stream.

This process uses journaling, which is a very effective method for feeling and releasing negative emotions.  I’ve personally found it to be highly effective and it’s what got me unstuck from the lingering affects of a major life wound.

Begin at the emotional state where you think you are and really feel it.

In each case, as you go down the list, you will experience a dramatic shift and release by going deeper.  Write a few minutes about any one level, and then shift to the next level down. At the end of the process, it is important to write out the positive feelings that naturally emerge after we release negative emotions. John Gray

Negative feelings begin as naturally occurring vibrations; they don’t become negative until we have attached a thought to them.

Everything in our lives, we create, promote or allow. Author Unknown

Everything! Wow, do you find that quote as inspiring as I do. That means we are at choice about everything in our lives. For everything, we make it up, advance it further or permit its presence.

“Everything” includes even the feelings we feel.  We can choose to allow or release our negative feelings.

We can also choose to pump up our personal power by creating positive feelings after we’ve released the negative.
We are all challenged from time to time, but true champions, learn to fully feel, process the emotions and return to rise again.

Are you operating a full personal power or are you still holding back?

 

The Power in Being Pissed Off

Sometimes we just need to get good and mad at ourselves. Not a judging or belittling mad, but an empowering mad. The kind of mad that reaches deep for a determination that will not easily die.

The best time to reach deep and channel your anger is when things are looking dire and could go either way. We could just curl up, cry and go to sleep – or we could reach deep for that fire that burns brightly within.

Once we find that fire, we need to follow it up with action – in the moment. Bold, bodily movement works best.

There is a lot of energy in what pisses you off at a core level. There’s a lot of power to tap within a long-standing struggle that you’re sick and tired of. This kind of power creates a “good-mad” kind of urgency that builds a strong unwavering conviction to act now!

Are you fed up enough with your current situation to act and act today?

It’s up to you, you know. Nobody is going to save you.

I may have never met you and that doesn’t matter. I can tell you this for sure. Whatever you want, you have what it takes to go out and get it. You have within you every talent and quality necessary to make your dream come alive. If you did not, the very idea of it would not have even come to you.

Emilie Cady, in her classic book, Lessons in Truth, said it well, “Desire is the thing you want in incipiency.” That means when you get a fresh idea, it has come directly from Universal Intelligence straight to your heart. Your recognition of the idea not only means that it was meant only for you, but that it’s already on its way into being. So not only can you do it, the fact that you even see the idea proves that you’re already in the midst of manifesting it.

But you’ll never know unless you reach deep and act. Can you get fired up enough? Watch this short clip all the way to the end and scream with him, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!!”

Because it’s that level of being pissed off that will launch your dream. Nothing short of authentic fire is guaranteed to move you from your funk. Get pissed off, will you? The world needs you to show up with all you have.

You Can’t Go Where You’re Going Until You Feel What You’re Feeling

You’ll hate this post unless you’re already enjoying your work or on the verge of that enjoyment. Why? Because I’m going to ask you to fully feel what you are feeling, and for most people, that can be very uncomfortable. But being willing to fully feel everything is the one process that separates the whiners from the winners in the game of work life freedom.

If you have the gumption to accept the following tips, you can do more to advance the enjoyment of your true calling than by using any other process.

Why? Because the willingness to feel is the thing most missing, not only for delightful work, but for robust living in your entire life. I’ll share some ways to begin feeling fully in Part Two of this post. For now, I want to make a case for what you’ll gain by feeling fully. As you read this, just be open to the possibility that everything in your life can come more easily by feeling fully.

  1. Feel fully for greater clarity. When we aren’t feeling, we are living in the swampy murkiness of avoidance, confusion, denial, distraction or numbness. When we feel, we can see clearly what we want and engage ourselves in joyfully creating it. Some avoid feeling by hiding behind tension-relieving substances like food, alcohol and drugs. It’s worth realizing that these artificial inspirations never quite approximate the heights that could be realized by the natural high of creating the life you want.
  2. Feel fully for greater energy. It takes a lot of work to hide from our own truth. When we aren’t feeling fully and living in the present moment, we are trying to time travel to the past or the future. That fruitless effort just tuckers us out. Do you awaken eager to engage your daily work? Does it make you feel like singing? When we eagerly anticipate joyful experiences, we add energy to our reserves. But when we dread our work, we often deplete our energy before we even arrive at our workplace.
  3. Feel fully for less fear. Feelings naturally arise in our bodies. Essentially they are vibrations that alert us to focus points of awareness. Some gut feelings are legitimate warnings for us to avoid harm; others are unproductive triggers to prior events. Often our default position is to engage the same flight or fight response that our early ancestors did. We still have this system alive within us, seldom are we truly threatened enough to need it. With the noble, if unnecessary, desire to protect us, it will create fear when none exists.For example, imagine receiving mail with a law firm’s return address on the envelope. Often our first reaction is fear. Oh no! Now what have I done?! Most vibrations do not become negative emotions like apprehension, anger, sadness or disappointment until we attach a thought to them. We don’t feel fearful until we label something as potentially bad. So, in fact, we often create the fear that we avoid feeling! Isn’t that something? If we didn’t create it, it wouldn’t even exist. We always have the choice of feeling only the vibration as it passes through our body.
  4. Feel fully for greater opportunities. Imagine an ever-flowing circle of wonderful possibilities that are just outside of your vision. Then, suddenly, simply by feeling, you can see, and sieze, them! It’s a lovely development that I want you to experience. When our minds are less cluttered with fearful possibilities, our vision just naturally improves. And then we can see the opportunities that where there all along. Instead of frustration, a natural state of gratitude appears to sharpen our intentions.
  5. Feel fully for greater readiness. Readiness is a curious and illusive animal. In contrast, it is our self-declaration of not yet being ready that stops us the most. When someone says they aren’t ready, they probably don’t feel inclined, willing and available for action. Instead, they feel weighed down with things they think they must handle first. From that perspective, it seems as though the right time to act never comes. Perhaps it would if you could only give yourself the permission to feel all of your feelings, both high and low. Try it; you’ll be amazed at how freeing it is.

Feeling fully could be the practice you’re missing the most. Emancipate yourself by feeling all the time and you’ll enjoy such wonderful benefits that you’ll never return to the life you once led.