The Freedom of Big Self-Employment Ideas

freedom of self-employmentOur country’s forefathers claimed our independence from oppression by declaring our rights to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. When it comes to work, we exercise these rights by engaging in activities that bring us alive and inspire us to joyfully be who we are. So why settle for less? If you’re working for someone else and feel miserable about it, what has stopped you from pursuing the happiness of working your own big self-employment ideas?

Self-employment is the most direct route to uniquely expressing what you’ve been put on this earth to do. Bold self-expression, aligned with your core values, represents your best shot at fulfillment and happiness. Many of us faultily look to a job or a relationship to make us feel complete. But wholeness can’t be found by looking to another, and it most certainly isn’t found by being miserably employed.

Yes, some of us find contentment and fulfillment working for someone else, but what if you’re the type of person whose greatness can only be unleashed through the boldness of bringing about the self-employment idea that only you can? What if you knew beyond any doubt that you have what it takes to succeed with your own big ideas, in your own way? If you knew these things to be absolute, what changes might you make today?

Admit it, the freedom of being your own boss has always intrigued you. Deep within, you know that you have what it takes; you’re creative and big ideas come easily to you. So what stops you from starting an ideal business or growing your existing business into the profitable and fulfilling enterprise you’ve dreamed of?

I’m going to help you answer the above questions but what will you do with these answers? By the end of this article, if you understand more clearly what stops you, are you willing to take action so it stops you no more? As a life and business coach, I work with clients who want to align their innermost values and desires with their outer actions. Yet information alone doesn’t guarantee success. How many times have you known what to do and still not done it?

The following suggestions will guide you a little closer toward your optimum path. Together we’ll go within, yank out the root of what’s holding you back then build a solid foundation for sustainable, authentic growth.

Excuses that Stop Us Short of True Freedom

The basis of most everything that stops us can be found in not trusting our intuition, which causes us to search for answers outside ourselves. Not trusting your intuition deters you from completing big self-employment ideas that are given to you directly by… of course, your inner voice. Looking for truth on the outside leads you to care too much about what others think of you, and possibly accepting their personally disparaging opinions of your ideas as gospel.

We all doubt ourselves. Yet fresh ideas come from straight from God’s heart to ours. Your recognition of an inspired idea not only means that it was meant only for you but that it’s already on its way into being. So not only can you do it, but the fact that you even see the idea proves that you’re already in the midst of manifesting it.

My friend, your happiness is a choice. It’s calling out to you and your first step in is to stop doing what stops you from claiming it. See if you can find your favorite excuse below.

“I’m waiting for the right time to make my move.” Yes, timing is relevant, but more so than not, waiting amounts to nothing more than putting your life on hold. The fact that you’ve read this far is confirmation that your time is now. Really, what are you waiting for? Trust your inner voice; then whatever you’re telling yourself won’t carry as much weight.

“What if I make a mistake and fail?” There’s no “what if” about it. You will make mistakes and even fail along the way, perhaps repeatedly. Stumbling and rising again is natural; fearing failure is pathological. If it’s going to happen regardless, why not get on with it?

“I’m going to build up my finances then go for it.” This feeds the illusion that employment = money = security = freedom = happiness. If happiness is the goal, why not go directly for it right now? How many years of uninspired slavery will it take to make you feel secure? Money movement expert Egbert Sukop says, “Quit seeing money as a means to an end, and suddenly you’ll gain the independence that you attributed to it.” Goethe said, “He only earns his freedom and his life who takes them every day by storm.”

“I love what I do, I just don’t love marketing.” Actually, this excuse has nothing to do with marketing and everything to do with a hesitance to boldly self-express. Are you sure you’re not compromising by holding back and going for a second-place dream? The only way you’ll be able to naturally and shamelessly flaunt yourself is to live a first-place dream-then others’ reactions won’t affect you.

“I’m just not sure I have what it takes.” You are enough, my friend, more than enough. That’s not you talking; it’s just your conditioning. You aren’t your past and you surely aren’t the twisted opinion of anyone else. If you allow the opinion of another to dictate your choices then whose life are you really living?

Turning Excuses into Inspired Action

Now that you know what justifications you’ve using on yourself, let’s chuck them and rebuild a structure for sustainable support, working from the inside out. Here are five powerful concepts that work for my clients. Find a way to joyfully employ all five and your stated intentions will no longer conflict with your inner voice.

  1. Expand your awarenss of what’s possible by asking really big questions.  When we live with big questions and don’t rush into answer them right away we become conscious of big ideas. Ask these: What is the thing only I can do? What was I meant to do? What if by fully being me I can step into might greatness? What might happen then?
  2. Feel your feelings fully-all of them. When we ignore our intuition, we resist feeling emotions that arise when someone is upset with us for choosing our own rightful path. As social beings, we always want to please; thus we avoid genuine feelings so as to avoid upsetting others. It doesn’t work. What does work well is to just be with all your feelings as they come up.
  3. Embrace boldness! Don’t hold back. The marketplace rewards confident, authentic boldness in every business function. If you aren’t on the edge of your comfort zone, you aren’t in a position to thrive.
  4. Support can be manufactured. Since we are products of our environments, we can systematically create ones that stimulate our progress. Following through to completion with our best intentions is a challenge for most of us. Why not create environments that naturally pull us to accomplishment?
  5. Engage in massive joyful action. Cause and effect is not a sure thing. Many of our actions produce desired results but often we can’t foretell which ones will work. Joyfully engaging many different methods and directions increases your probability of success.

Freedom is one of the truths that our forefathers found to be self-evident, yet some of you are still miserably working for someone else and cheating yourself out of the happiness of pursuing what you’re really meant to do. There is no ‘on hold’ in our Declaration of Independence or Bill of Rights. It is your unalienable right to express yourself through the freedom of seizing your own self-employment ideas, and your time to do so is now.

I’m inspired to get you there much sooner than you think is possible.  Request a Confidently Make the Leap free strategy session here.

Success Via Authentic Connection

I believe that the more we express our authentic uniqueness, the more likely we are to enjoy fulfillment, prosperity and freedom, …in a word success.

I believe that authentic expression counts for more than hard work and more than knowing the right thing to do.

Since success is based on the expression of your authentic uniqueness, what causes you to feel safe enough to express authentically?

What causes you to confidently express original thoughts?

In what environments are you more likely to take a stand?

You and I were meant to do something very special.  That’s why we are so unique.

But what if, in order to come into our own, we could not stand-alone?

What if your most beautiful and most valuable expression of authentic individuality, just couldn’t be reached by going it alone?

What if a certain part of you, (the most confident and strongest part) only emerged in deep connection with others?

What if the special music you came here to sing could not be sung solo?

If these words speak to you are interested in cooperative, authentic connection, let me know.

Creating Clarity

clarity Clarity is clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding. It is freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.

Do you more often look for clarity or create it?

I’ve been pondering the creation of clarity. Most folks look for clarity like it’s something to be found. Discovering clarity happens but not as often as you’d think.

It’s far easier to decide to create clarity.

How do you come to your clarity? I find clarity is best approached with openness, calmness and a determination to create it.

A comprehensive process works best especially in matters of career change clarity. When there are many factors to consider that fog our clarity we must work a process that cuts through fog like a torch of sunshine.

Clarity is best created through a process of questioning, dialogue, decision and action. Every progressive step leans toward clarity and further away from confusion or complexity.

But there is one essential ingredient that must be put into the mix early and often.

Truth. If you really want clarity, you must decide to tell the whole truth to yourself about yourself. That’s the truth as you see it, without regard for the opinion of others.

To create clarity you must take a stand for your truth and your truth is likely to be unpopular. Its unpopularity is what makes it individual and thus valuable to you.

But without deep truth, as only you know it, you’re just spinning you wheels.

Here’s the secret. Be especially aware as a truth-teller, just before and during periods of important decision making.

Use this time to note your decision – to comprehend and appreciate the raw truth of it.

When we make a decision and then decide to make up some justification, explanation or fabrication after the fact, we don’t get the benefit of endorsing own authentic choices.

Singular and courageous endorsement of your own wisdom is what creates clarity and confidence.

Here’s a powerful opportunity to practice your truth telling.   Decide to tell the truth when you decline every invitation, be it business or social.

Just saying no thank you can be enough.  But just in case you’re asked, be ready and willing to share your whole unvarnished truth, even if you know that it will not be welcome.

It will be one of the cleanest and most liberating practices of your life.

What someone doesn’t want to hear, can be delivered respectfully and gracefully.  But a sincere, blunt and clumsy truth is far better than any eloquently crafted lie.

Life is given, and not one other human being on the planet was given to live the life you’ve been given to live.  The given self lets you quit trying to live another life, which is what the quest for the ideal life is, and lets you begin to live your own.  Mari Perron

I’ve found that my given, most authentic self can’t get clear in the presence of white lies.  I’ve found that in order for my given self to flourish in resolute clarity, I must first take a stand for what I want, even when it disappoints another.

True freedom is found in the loving acceptance of self and in the glory of expressing as no one else can.

Beliefs Are Bad For Business

Beliefs are sneaky.  Beliefs influence our ability and restrict opportunities often without us even being aware that we have them.  It’s a sound business practice to frequently examine and question your beliefs.

Beliefs can limit flexibility and openness while promoting rigidity.  Rigidity tends to limit opportunity.  Incredibly we often believe things for which we have no proof, especially when it comes to matters of self-assessment.

Belief is putting regard in something as true. This wide range of synonyms astounded me because they all can be used to describe a belief even though they inspire quite different meaning strength.

Synonyms: acceptance, admission, assent, assumption, assurance, avowal, axiom, certainty, conclusion, confidence, conjecture, conviction, credence, credit, deduction, divination, expectation, faith, fancy, feeling, guess, hope, hypothesis, idea, impression, intuition, judgment, knowledge, mind, mindset, notion, opinion, persuasion, position, postulation, presumption, presupposition, profession, reliance, supposition, surmise, suspicion, theorem, theory, thesis, thinking, trust, understanding, view.

Some beliefs can seem very flimsy, especially when we think of a belief as an assumption, a guess, a notion or merely a feeling.

But that’s how all beliefs take root.  We hear someone say something or read it and we assume it to be true.  A statement can be made about your own capacity or about business in general and you could lose out because of your belief in that statement.

Anyone and everyone occasionally can get down on herself or himself.  The good news is that we don’t have to get down and stay there.  Worrying about beliefs is wasteful.  It’s far more productive to use language and questioning to challenge our limiting beliefs.

Worry is an abuse of imagination.  Steve Chandler

Of course not all beliefs are limiting or negative some can be very inspiring.  But even positive beliefs can be limiting.  It makes me question whether we’d be better off without beliefs at all. Would it really matter if we just experienced life in the moment as it comes?

Here are some empowering questions to challeneg and refresh your beliefs.

What do I believe that does not serve me well about my business or myself?

Can I point to proof that supports this belief?

What would I rather believe?

What do I want to believe about my business or myself?

What could I do now to create what I want?

What limiting beliefs would I be better off simply letting go?

What one thing am I creating that uplifts me?

How could I increase my willingness to start fresh with a beginners mind and boldly create that thing?

Killing What Scares You

Don’t kill what scares you.  Embrace it!

What scares you the most is your raw, untamed authenticity.

istock_000003792360xsmallWhat scares the hell right out of you is the crazy brilliance that you know you really are.

This post is a call to action for those who want even more inspiring and fulfilling work.  If you really love your job – quit reading now.  But if you really want to bet the farm on you – read on!

As a career coach, here’s the question I hear most often.

“What will I be when I grow up?”

Here are two better questions.

“What was I before I grew up?”

“What wild part of me have I allowed to be beaten down and killed, for fear of being judged?”

Never destroy any aspect of personality, for what you think is the wild branch may be the heart of the tree.  Mrs. Henry George

Cultural conformity is fear-based pressure created so the real you doesn’t rock the boat

Accumulated conditioning, rules and collective fears, all pushing societal stability, will continue to separate you from your authentic wildness, if you allow it to.

Most folks claim they want their authentic freedom. But they act as though they want stability and safety.

Stability and authenticity exclude one another.

Take a stand.  Refuse fear.  Live fearlessly.

Allow your authentic wildness to flourish once more.

Don’t kill your wildness.  Flaunt your wildness.

If you really didn’t give two shits, about what anyone would say or think – what would you do then?

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss

Choose boldness!

Your time is now.  Waiting is stupid, fearful thinking.  Quit listening to those who fear their own power.  The cement truck could flatten your ass tomorrow.  How’s that for timing?

It’s not timing but expressed uniqueness that truly determines exceptional success.

We increase the probability of creating a life of freedom, fulfillment and financial prosperity to the degree that we are willing to express our exceptionality.

It’s time for you to choose.  Quit allowing cultural appropriateness to crush your wildness.

It really does start with not giving a damn.  What do you think the world rewards more, being nice or being authentic?

By choosing authenticity you’re going to piss some people off.

So what, what has playing it safe done for you so far?

Be naughty.  Misbehave.  Break some stupid rules.

Be the eccentric character you really are and some may hate you.  But some will adore you.

Your only obligation in life is to be true to yourself.  Being true to anyone else or anything else is impossible.  Richard Bach

Don’t wonder what you’ll be when you grow up.  You’re already too damned grown up.  Be a kid again.  Ride your wildness all the way to the bank.

I’m not just all talk about this.  I deliver.

Bold lives are chosen and created.

Have you the courage to create the life you most want to live?

No excuses, you either do or you don’t. If this time doesn’t work for you, go here to request your own test drive coaching experience.

Embrace what sacres you.  The world is waiting for your light.

Free Yourself

We gain the greatest freedom from cutting our own ties. Ties that bind us to old agreements and roles, need to be broken, when once freely chosen activities now feel like obligations. istock_000005716223xsmall

Self-created ties are complicated, because like any relationship, liberation is more challenging in the presence of emotional entanglement. Our dysfunctions become comfortable. Fortunately there are effective decision-making tools available to aid this process.

In the comments of my last post, Juliet at Life Made Great, asked me for an example of how I use this question posed by Peter Block in his book, The Answer To How Is Yes. What is the question that if you knew the answer, would set you free?

Here’s my formula for using this powerful transformational tool.

1). Trust yourself. You know what’s best for you better than anyone else could know. Until you recognize your caring wisdom within and act accordingly, you will continue to search for answers outside of yourself.

2). Tell the truth to yourself and identify an unmade decision that is weighting heavily on you, right now. Unmade decisions are fail proof indicators of where you are losing focus and energy. Delay is extremely costly.

You will always suffer when your mind wants two opposing things at once.  Byron Katie

3). Decide to ask the question.  We suffer only because we haven’t chosen. But instead of choosing we try to do more.  It’s crazy because we add when we need to be simplifying.

We often seek productivity and time management solutions that only serve to make us realize how far behind we really are.  Sometimes we just can’t catch up.  Instead we need to declare a fresh start by setting fresh standards.

Time management is not about organization; it’s about boldness.  Steve Chandler

4). Ask the question. What is the question that if you knew the answer, would set you free?

5). Write down your question and answer it.

6). Follow-through and act on the answer. Without action you are disrespecting your own wisdom.

What happens when it all works as designed?

Here’s how I used this process recently.  My coaching business has been booming.  It’s become very clear, that I need to cut way back on some blogging and social media activities, in order to focus more on delivering break through results for an increasing number of clients.

Yet I’ve struggled doing so, mostly because I truly enjoy and value the connections I’ve made with you, my fellow bloggers.  I’ve been grieving the loss of supportive Tom who once visited and return commented on every commenter to his blog.  But I was fearful of cutting back as well.

Fear-Based Marketing

Blogging and social media can become extremely fear-based marketing.  It becomes fear based when we fear the consequences of not doing it well or frequently enough.  Social media by nature, is a reaching-out activity, to those beyond your closest circles.  The further away from intimate connection marketing is, the more fear comes along for the ride.

But that’s the beautiful thing about fear; if you really look at it, fear goes away.  I’ve realized that my true connections will respect my decision.

What is the question that if you knew the answer, would set you free?

My question.  How can I feel really good about my decision to radically simplify my life?

My answer.  I can feel really good about my decision to simplify my life: by cutting ties that feel like obligations, and by declaring new standards for blogging and social media participation.  Here are my new standards.

I do not market based on fear of loss or how I look to others.

Before engaging in social media activity I’ll ask this question.
Is there a more direct way to make connection?

I am free from all obligations and I do nothing that feels like an obligation.

I blog only when I am inspired to encourage and inspire others.

I exercise my right to totally change my mind when it feels right to do so.

I am free.

What is the question that if you knew the answer, would set you free?

What unmade decision will set you free?

Want to experience masterful breakthrough coaching at no obligation? Join us on March 18, enroll here.

Everything Counts So Make It Count

In a creative Universe every thought, word, feeling and deed is somehow combined and coalesced to return to us the predominant focus of our attention.

There’s been a lot written both for and against the Law of Attraction. Yet most folks don’t disagree that somehow the predominance of what we think about, feel, talk about and take action on, all coalesces and comes about.

Random happens only when we are unaware of our power to influence outcomes.

Since every thought, feeling, word and deed combines to create the life we experience, it’s wise to increase our awareness in order to observe what we are thinking, feeling, saying and doing. This increased consciousness has been called deliberate creation or intentional manifestation. It’s important not to let this debate about the law of Attraction get in the way of using what works. Our thoughts, feelings and words do attract like experiences and so do our actions.

This could be why many disagree with attraction presented as if it’s a law or a principle. It appears to over-emphasize less actionable capabilities like thinking, feeling and speaking without giving appropriate credit to doing. All four count, all the time, even the stalwart doer will tell you he’s more effective when he’s enthused and speaks more confidently.

Everything counts, nothing is missed; all four creatively imprint our experience and the wild card is our spiritual alignment (meaning how close we are to the work we were meant to).

Each of us operates in four realms of power, and the choice is ours to do so deliberately – or be less than aware and create unintentionally. It’s obvious that unintentional creation is more hit and miss. Conscious creation is simply choosing how you use your power in all four realms, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.

Let’s look at how an employee could deliberately increase the probability of success in making the move to the freedom of self-employment.

Intentional four realms creators:

Dig to discover the work they were meant to do. An aligned calling exists for each of us and the closer we get to it, the more creatively effective and efficient we are.

Deliberately choose thoughts that most matched their deepest desires and boldly express those thoughts. If you really want the freedom of self-employment then you’ll be well served to cease thinking how miserable you are in your job. Instead think and express how your job likely holds the key to your freedom.

Deliberately feel as though those desires were already a reality. Imagine how grand you’ll feel calling your own shots and what a wonderful boss you’ll soon be to yourself.

Strategically take actions that are most likely to accelerate their progress towards those chosen desires. There is always a small step you can take that will get you closer to what you want. Take it with every confidence that it is coalescing with your thoughts, feelings and words to move you closer to seizing the opportunity that’s right for you.

Everything’s connected. People come into our sphere of influence for mutual learning experiences. Situations are drawn to us to give us the opportunity to respond to them in new and different ways. Something or someone in your job is there to show you how to grow beyond it.

Everything counts, it’s all connected, we’re all connected, how could it be any other way?

Everything counts. So wise up and make it count.

The Prize Is the Pursuit

Many who claim that they want the freedom, fulfillment and prosperity of being their own boss, actually don’t believe that it’s possible for them. If they did they’d at least be in pursuit of self-employment happiness. Our United States forefathers, in our Declaration of Independence wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

They understood that happiness is something to be pursued. The truly valuable prize is found in the decision to pursue and is the pursuit itself. Many feel that the greater value and joy is the pursuit, is the journey, than the destination.

Why is the prize the pursuit?

1). When in pursuit of something you have already made the decision to go for it and thus you believe that it’s possible for you.

2). While focused in the pursuit you are fully in the present moment, which is your only point of creative power.

Waiting is a state of mind. Basically it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. —- Eckhart Tolle

3). In the movement of pursuit our perspective changes and we can see opportunities that we were previously blind to. It’s called the corridor theory. In 1998 I was speaking at the downtown Pittsburgh Business Library. After the talk, a guy came out of the audience and asked me if I’d ever done any coaching. At that time I hadn’t, yet if I had not walked down the corridor of professional speaking, the door to greater delightful work would not have opened.

4). In pursuit we often stumble, but our mistakes hold rich meaning because we now have an understanding from which we can adjust. Before pursuit, at best, our effort is a mind game of untested theories and assumptions.

In this post I discussed how to get beyond the excuses that stop us from pursuing the liberty of self-employment.

Of course we can apply this wisdom to more than declaring our freedom from the tyranny of employment.

It can be applied to anything we say we want that we are not yet actively pursuing.

I believe that Teddy Roosevelt said it best.

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat. Teddy Roosevelt

Are you in the arena or still watching from the sidelines?

Have you experienced the value of being in pursuit of your happiness?

Seize the Freedom of Self-Employment

Fear around the lack of money keeps many stuck within the slavery of employment. I believe more would seize the freedom of self-employment if they truly understood the value of the freedoms they have willingly given up. Most seasoned self-employed individuals joyously place a higher value on their continued freedom and would not give it up even for much more money.

What do we, as free workers, know that employees do not? We intimately understand and are invigorated by the value of the freedoms that come from doing work that we love in our own way. We believe that it’s our sacred responsibility to safeguard this freedom.

I believe that we enjoy three essential freedoms that employees do not.

1). The freedom of autonomy is our independence. It’s our ability to exercise self-government. Answering to the whims and rules of another is akin to slavery.

2). The freedom of self-determination could also be called the freedom of unlimited decisiveness. By enjoying this freedom we get to decide and choose both our day-to-day work projects and over all strategies and objectives.

3). The freedom of self-expression is simply what we are able to say without hesitation or restriction. This freedom is at the core of our well-being and the freedom I want to discuss today.

The ability to speak our minds on any issue, in any setting, to anyone is invaluable because it’s directly tied to the magnificence of our own authentic identity. When you knowingly restrict your identity you have assumed an identity that is less than your core being. This pretense wounds you deeply at a soul level. Identity restriction is a slow deadening process where the individual hides his true feelings and ultimately settles for less of a life then he or she may have lived.

Many employees complain about their work but throw up the money or security excuse as reasons why their hands are tied. These employees know they have settled for something less than they could be enjoying but they have yet to find the courage to make their move.

How can we, the joyfully self-employed help them to seize their freedom? We can help by talking about how wonderful our freedom feels. We can help by replacing money with freedom as the new standard of success. We can encourage them to be bold and let their freedom ring as an example to their children.

If you are happily employed and can honestly accept the accompanying restrictions, please stay where you are. But if you are among the majority of unhappy employees, know this: the freedoms of self-employment can lead you into a life of unlimited prosperity.

Prosperity comes through enhanced awareness so we can see and seize the right opportunities at the right time.

By working on what you want to work on and dearly value you’ll end up producing work of higher value that will make you prosperous. Please trust that everyone wants to support individuals who put their heart and soul into their work. Trust your internal yearnings to be the man or woman you can here to be. Seize your freedom now!

If you are employed but want to seize your freedom – tell us how we can help.

If you are self-employed and would like to encourage others to make their move – please comment on how freeing self-employment feels to you.

No Thank You

This post is about being totally above board and honest when turning down an invitation. If you aren’t always truthful when you say no, are you aware of the significance of what you’re saying yes to?

Here’s an example. On Monday, I was tagged. Mags at Woo-Woo Wisdom asked me to write a post on, 10 things that make me happy. I like Mags, I enjoy her writing and I’m honored that she thought of me. But I wasn’t eager to write that specific post. I have nothing against one blogger tagging another and at first I told myself I’d do it later, but I never did.

I did want to understand why I was resisting this honorable invitation. It would be an easy post to write. I’m generally a happy guy and I could easily write 20 things that make me happy.

But one thing that definitely makes me unhappy is doing anything that feels like an obligation.

As much as possible, I’ve pledged to live an obligation-free life and I’ve been doing a pretty good job of it for the last ten years. That means I make as few promises as possible and I follow-through on each and every one of them. How’s my record so far? Very close to 99% on promises I make to others. I’m not doing near as well on self-made promises but much better since I raised my awareness of them.

But it’s not really important to you, why this felt like an obligation to me. What might be important is that you examine how frequently you offer a less than forthright reason when you say, “no thank you.”

Thomas Leonard felt that no explanation at all is necessary.

No is a complete sentence. Thomas Leonard

Sometimes when invited to a social event, that I really don’t want to attend, I’ll just smile and say, “no thank you.” If I’m asked (this seldom happens because folks generally fear the truth) I’ll be honest and tell it like it is, regardless of the imagined consequences.

This feels so freeing. The freedoms of self-determination and self-expression are two that I treasure the most as a self-employed individual. One synonym for integrity, is wholeness and that describes my feelings well. When we align our choices with what we value, we feel complete. Otherwise, by telling even a white lie, we feel a little soiled and broken.

In some ways this was challenging for me to write because I do care about what you my blogging friends and readers think of me. I hope I don’t sound like I’m riding too high of a horse when actually I was forced into becoming more truthful so that I could demand it of my coaching clients.

I’ve come to understand that every honest no means that I’m actually saying yes to something I value.

Could a dishonest excuse be proof that you care more about what another thinks of you, than you value your own freedom of self-determination?

What do you think?