Break Comes Before Breakthrough

making a breakthroughSorry Dad.    You were right and I didn’t realize it until now.  I thought my Dad was just trying to cheer me up when he said.  “You just need to catch a break.” Finally I see the wisdom in those words.

Maybe we ought to listen more carefully every time someone who loves us tries to help us?

The thing is – breaks do need to be caught.  To be caught they need to be realized as the potential shift in consciousness that they are.

A break is at the same time a fracture and a gap. It’s a tearing apart and an opening.  Thus the wisdom in …. break comes before breakthrough.

In what specific life area do you need to catch a break?  Are you aware enough to catch it when one is being offered? Are you really committed to making that break?

The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy.  Angelina Jolie

The same area where you would love a break is the most challenging situation where you want to make a breakthrough.

In what specific life area do you need to catch a break because I’m offering you one right now?  But this isn’t merely a cognitive gift of wisdom.  I’m offering you a breakthrough experience.

We’ll meet this Thursday Feb. 7, 4:30 PM Eastren, on the phone.  To join us you only need to reply to this message answering two questions. Your responses will be kept confidential and only be used by me to prepare the experience.

In what specific area of my life would I most benefit from making a breakthrough?

What is the number one obstacle to me breaking through and shifting to a new way of being?

That’s all that’s required for you to participate in this breakthrough experience.  Or you can just go one saying that you never catch a break.

Tom Volkar

PS Remember that joke about the praying man who turned down three lifesaving rescue attempts and then asked God why he wasn’t saved?  Don’t let that be you. Respond now and answer the two questions above.



Starting Over With Honor

Starting over no matter how far you’ve fallen, is more surely accomplished with self-honor.

Self-honor begins with telling the truth to yourself about what’s really happening in your life.

Self-honor is making the decision you are most afraid to make.

Self-honor is asking for help when you know another perspective would illuminate possibilities.

Self-honor is taking the time to understand what you really, really want so you can declare that you want it.

Self-honor is understanding why you want something and having the courage to go for it.

Most of all self-honor is doing what you can do now to act on what you really want.

Without action you are just talk.  Action clarifies.  Without clarity of direction and path, it’s difficult to hold yourself in the high regard of self-honor.

You know where you have been running, hiding and avoiding your truth.  Honor your own truth today and watch your life transform.

Why Ask Why?

Frequently I run into life coaching clients who desperately dig to understand why they do or don’t do certain things.

They can see that these things aren’t working well so they reason, that if they understood their motivation, then they would cease repeating the wayward behavior.

Yet knowing why you persist in a behavior that’s not good for you won’t necessarily stop you from doing it.

I’ve coached lots of folks who did manage to understand that why and they still kept right on digging. They saw the real reason but didn’t accept it as the truth that it was.

Often things look too simple to be true. But they are.

So when faced with a recurring challenge it’s often fruitless to understand why. Why? Why is it fruitless?

Because the quest isn’t worth the prize. It often costs too much in expended energy for it to be worthwhile.

Often the quest for why will lead to a whole series of downward spiraling questions. Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? Why?

The quest for why often turns your attention and energy to more of what you don’t want.

The way to get what you want is to turn your attention and energy on what you want. Light that up!

So the next time you’re tempted to ask why, instead ask; what do I really want? Then ask, what would be likely to get me what I want? What could I do now to move just a little closer to what I want?

Then do that thing. You’ll be happier and much more productive.

What keeps you from making the leap to your work life freedom?

Regular readers of this blog know that I compare employment to slavery. Think that’s too harsh?

Look at this dictionary definition for slavery “…the state of being under the control of another person.” Or look at these synonyms for slavery: drudgery, constraint and subjections, or these antonyms: emancipation, freedom and liberty. If the shoe fits…

LeapI’m not writing this for the few of you who truly love your jobs. And, while I encourage your comments, I’m not writing this for my fellow coaches and bloggers who have already seized their freedom.

I’m writing this for those of you who have yet to make the leap.

(Image by brosha on Flickr, via Creative Commons license)

What’s stops you from going for your work life freedom and fulfillment? Do you know?
What story do you tell yourself about this?

I’ve recently had the privilege of reading the responses of 110 work life freedom surveys.
One survey question asked this.

What is the number one thing stopping you from creating more freedom in your work life?
Here are the top five responses:

5). Procrastination
4). Lack of self-confidence
3). Not being clear on the livelihood I want
2). Fear of failure
1). Money

The number one thing stopping these wonderful, sincere people from going for their work life freedom is a perceived lack of money or concern regarding obligations that require money.

I understand and I can feel your fear. Money is so highly valued in our society that the lack of it can lead to intense self-judgment. Yet I can’t let you continue to hide behind the excuse of not having enough money. We use the lack of money as a reason to keep us from doing and not doing all kinds of things. But that’s not it – and I can prove it to you. Quit reading now and get a piece of paper and a pencil.

In the next five minutes, as quickly as you can, write down all the things you can’t do because you can’t afford it. Just complete this sentence as fast as you can.

I can’t afford to….

(Don’t read on until you’ve taken at least 30 seconds to try this exercise.)

Okay, now go back over your list and read it out loud, but replace “I can’t afford to” with “I don’t want to.”

Can you now see how you have given so much power to money? That’s right, it’s not the money. What if you could accept this as the absolute truth for everything on your list? How would that change what you think you can and cannot do? When we examine how much we really want something, we invite all kinds of fresh insights. It truly does come down to the degree of our desire.

Perhaps you’ll find that you really don’t want your work life freedom that badly. Perhaps you want to continue being safely miserable in your job. If that’s the case, then at least come to acceptance with your choice. Truth be told, some would have to admit that they enjoy the twisted payoff that comes from being a complaining victim.

What about those of you who truly do want your work life freedom?

Are you willing to go deep within your self-exploration to do the work to find it? Are you willing to commit to the active pursuit of your work life freedom?

What remains when you remove money as the reason why you haven’t made the leap?

Is there really anything stopping you now? I’ve dedicated my life to this work. This is the coaching that I do. There is a way that works and I want to guide you there. How can I help you? What would you have me write about?

For my fellow bloggers, coaches and self-employed professionals, what can you share about that time just before you made the leap? How can you encourage these folks to go for it?

How to Get Up When You’re Really Down

Ever been so stuck that you couldn’t see a way out? Even when stuck, we always have an optimum path to choose. If we can see it in hindsight, we could have seen it in foresight. There’s always one choice that will work best to get moving again. But how do we to find it? What’s the best way to find our optimum path when we are desperately stuck?

In 1997, I lost a business, my home, my marriage and, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I ran over my daughter’s kitten.

For a couple days I raged from anger to sadness to every color of guilt and back. I was not yet a life coach, and I didn’t have the perspective to realize what was happening. Plain and simple, I was stuck in a deep hole. And I hated it.

When we sink that deep, it seems like the light will never shine again. If that’s you right now, then I feel for you. But is it time to quit wallowing in self-pity and start moving?. Of course, with my situation, my light did shine again. I want to share with you the lesson I learned during those dark days.

Movement works… any movement. Get up, get out and get moving! Do something differently. Anything! What did I do? I marched into the woods and played Little John by beating dead trees until I was emotionally and physically spent. That released my anger. Then I boldly marched back and forth while singing about where I was headed. It was the lift I needed to see things differently.

Any movement, even physical movement, works because it changes one’s perspective. If you’re looking from a different vantage point, you’ll soon be able to see new opportunities to which you were once blind.

Begin by walking to a hilltop or any expansive place and feel the new energy rushing into your body. Notice how your view has changed and speak about that. Out loud. Bold actions generally follow bold proclamations, and you need to be bold. You need to first stride boldly. Then you need to speak out boldly in your own name. Forget about what others want. It’s your own desire that will lift you from the pit of despair. Then naturally you’ll see an opening that just wasn’t there before.

You’ll be like the running back who keeps churning his legs because he doesn’t know when or where the opening may appear. But if he doesn’t keep moving, he’s not ready when the opening develops.

Know this. There are always five or six available options in any situation. Just keep moving with your eyes wide open until you see them. When you see more options, you can seize your optimum path. But first move your body or you’ll never see them.

Then, as you walk in bold fashion, find a bold action to take that was unavailable to you previously. Take it and realize the new consequences. Even if the action was a mistake, the realization will hold value – because you will have moved from stuck into momentum.

Momentum is energy gained by movement and it just doesn’t come from mere analyzing or planning. One must act and act boldly for new opportunities to be seen. You have an optimum path available to you right now and it will come by way of a bold action. Get moving so you can see it, and then seize it boldly and quickly before doubt comes to visit.

Really, what do you have to lose? Let go of your stale and stinking paralysis. Choose and move boldly right now and you’ll soon be blasting out of your funk.

Enthusiastically Yours,
Tom Volkar