Creating Clarity

clarity Clarity is clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding. It is freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity.

Do you more often look for clarity or create it?

I’ve been pondering the creation of clarity. Most folks look for clarity like it’s something to be found. Discovering clarity happens but not as often as you’d think.

It’s far easier to decide to create clarity.

How do you come to your clarity? I find clarity is best approached with openness, calmness and a determination to create it.

A comprehensive process works best especially in matters of career change clarity. When there are many factors to consider that fog our clarity we must work a process that cuts through fog like a torch of sunshine.

Clarity is best created through a process of questioning, dialogue, decision and action. Every progressive step leans toward clarity and further away from confusion or complexity.

But there is one essential ingredient that must be put into the mix early and often.

Truth. If you really want clarity, you must decide to tell the whole truth to yourself about yourself. That’s the truth as you see it, without regard for the opinion of others.

To create clarity you must take a stand for your truth and your truth is likely to be unpopular. Its unpopularity is what makes it individual and thus valuable to you.

But without deep truth, as only you know it, you’re just spinning you wheels.

Here’s the secret. Be especially aware as a truth-teller, just before and during periods of important decision making.

Use this time to note your decision – to comprehend and appreciate the raw truth of it.

When we make a decision and then decide to make up some justification, explanation or fabrication after the fact, we don’t get the benefit of endorsing own authentic choices.

Singular and courageous endorsement of your own wisdom is what creates clarity and confidence.

Here’s a powerful opportunity to practice your truth telling.   Decide to tell the truth when you decline every invitation, be it business or social.

Just saying no thank you can be enough.  But just in case you’re asked, be ready and willing to share your whole unvarnished truth, even if you know that it will not be welcome.

It will be one of the cleanest and most liberating practices of your life.

What someone doesn’t want to hear, can be delivered respectfully and gracefully.  But a sincere, blunt and clumsy truth is far better than any eloquently crafted lie.

Life is given, and not one other human being on the planet was given to live the life you’ve been given to live.  The given self lets you quit trying to live another life, which is what the quest for the ideal life is, and lets you begin to live your own.  Mari Perron

I’ve found that my given, most authentic self can’t get clear in the presence of white lies.  I’ve found that in order for my given self to flourish in resolute clarity, I must first take a stand for what I want, even when it disappoints another.

True freedom is found in the loving acceptance of self and in the glory of expressing as no one else can.

Too Good & Challenging To Miss

Readers of this blog know that I love wake up calls and fresh smacks in the face.  I’m convinced that the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to tell the whole truth to ourselves about ourselves. Great idea!

Realizations are essential to creating the life you want to live.  Never stand pat.   Choose powerful stimulating experiences.  Coaching is really an experience in insight stimulation and engagement.

Fresh realizations come charged with the energy to create.  That’s why it’s so important to seize your moment of discovery with bold action.

So here’s some truth jarring stuff I’ve come across lately for your reading and listening delight.

Bill Weil has made his powerful relationship book, New Earth Relationships, available on audio down load.  It’s so good I use it as a tool with my relationship-coaching clients.

In the Crappiness of Happiness Egbert Sukop will piss you off, shake you up and give you a major case of head scratching.  I love what he says about the “bitch lag”.

In Are Your Dreams Big Enough, Slade Roberson asks some wonderfully challenging questions.  Answer them – you could change your life.

What are you reading or listening too that rocks your world?

No Thank You

This post is about being totally above board and honest when turning down an invitation. If you aren’t always truthful when you say no, are you aware of the significance of what you’re saying yes to?

Here’s an example. On Monday, I was tagged. Mags at Woo-Woo Wisdom asked me to write a post on, 10 things that make me happy. I like Mags, I enjoy her writing and I’m honored that she thought of me. But I wasn’t eager to write that specific post. I have nothing against one blogger tagging another and at first I told myself I’d do it later, but I never did.

I did want to understand why I was resisting this honorable invitation. It would be an easy post to write. I’m generally a happy guy and I could easily write 20 things that make me happy.

But one thing that definitely makes me unhappy is doing anything that feels like an obligation.

As much as possible, I’ve pledged to live an obligation-free life and I’ve been doing a pretty good job of it for the last ten years. That means I make as few promises as possible and I follow-through on each and every one of them. How’s my record so far? Very close to 99% on promises I make to others. I’m not doing near as well on self-made promises but much better since I raised my awareness of them.

But it’s not really important to you, why this felt like an obligation to me. What might be important is that you examine how frequently you offer a less than forthright reason when you say, “no thank you.”

Thomas Leonard felt that no explanation at all is necessary.

No is a complete sentence. Thomas Leonard

Sometimes when invited to a social event, that I really don’t want to attend, I’ll just smile and say, “no thank you.” If I’m asked (this seldom happens because folks generally fear the truth) I’ll be honest and tell it like it is, regardless of the imagined consequences.

This feels so freeing. The freedoms of self-determination and self-expression are two that I treasure the most as a self-employed individual. One synonym for integrity, is wholeness and that describes my feelings well. When we align our choices with what we value, we feel complete. Otherwise, by telling even a white lie, we feel a little soiled and broken.

In some ways this was challenging for me to write because I do care about what you my blogging friends and readers think of me. I hope I don’t sound like I’m riding too high of a horse when actually I was forced into becoming more truthful so that I could demand it of my coaching clients.

I’ve come to understand that every honest no means that I’m actually saying yes to something I value.

Could a dishonest excuse be proof that you care more about what another thinks of you, than you value your own freedom of self-determination?

What do you think?