Is it truly unconditional?
Do you have a source of unconditional support and are you tapping into it frequently? If you aren’t receiving such powerful backing in your life, what might you do to get some? In my last post, Seizing Your Greatness, I offered a powerful exercise to discover the true path to work that you love.
But what if you’ve found it and don’t feel strong enough to go for it?
That’s where unconditional support comes in. 
I used to be one of those guys who seldom asked for help. That was misguided. I’ve changed my ways, how about you? Do you graciously accept all support and seek it out when needed? I’ve found that most of us need to raise our willingness to receive. Even though the intention to give first without expectation is wise, we also must be willing to ask when we need the strength of others.
Mothers and fathers sometimes provide this level of support, and even spouses and siblings are capable of it. Beyond that (especially in traditional business circles) it’s rare indeed to find folks who are willing.
(Image by murky on Flickr, via Creative Commons license)
Wanting to, and actually following through without a personal agenda, is rare. One of my earliest coaching clients hired me just to listen to his ideas, because everyone else in his life, including his boss and his wife, had their own agenda for him. Have you ever felt that way?
I want you to know that this isn’t just talk. I’m presently testing my theories in a real life experiment by facilitating an unconditional support experience. Thus far, the results are amazing. I’m asking the members of this experience to offer their observations and realizations by commenting below.
What about you?
What could you accomplish, be or understand with a steady stream of support that was absolute, unquestionable and given with no strings attached?
Could this be a case of not knowing what you’re missing because you’ve never realized support without limit?
Observations from the Field
As with team sports, support is more easily given when clear-cut ground rules and a shared objective are agreed upon.
Support is more prevalent when facilitated by a coach who keeps one eye on the rules and another on the big picture objective. I’m finding it to be a challenging and glorious dance.
Even though I’ve coached individuals, groups and teams, those in a group experience receive unconditional support in far greater amounts because there are multiple sources of support that synergize with one another. I wonder if unconditional support could be the key to getting any business or sports team to perform at its best?
It’s certainly making a big difference in the lives of those brave adventurers who are right now participating in this bold social experiment. I’ll let them tell the rest of the story by asking them to comment on their experience.
Well my fellow supporters? What say you?
Can you tell us how differently you now feel while realizing greater unconditional support than before the experiment?
Have you noticed anything different about your decisiveness and/or clarity?
What specific value have you received from enjoying absolute support?
Have you accomplished more or less due to the backing of others?
What would you recommend to those considering a similar experience?
Why would you encourage them to participate?
What else do you want to share about the experience of both giving and receiving unconditional support?
For the rest of you, what could you accomplish, be or understand with a steady stream of support that was absolute, unquestionable and given with no strings attached?
I say YEAH! I am a participator in the experiment, and it is remarkable. I am supported in an amazing and unconditional way by complete strangers some that are across oceans! It’s more than just blind and unsubstantiated kudos….these people know me from our calls and communications with one another, and they offer advice, care, love and support like I have never felt before. I imagine what man I would be if my entire life were filled with this kind of support from the very beginning.
I have noticed myself to be more powerful and confident in everything I do. With this support, I am accomplishing more as results come alongside of, not necessarily as a direct result of the work I do in the group.
I would highly recommend people participate in future groups, because I know I will be there!!!
Tom, Thank You for this opportunity!!!!
I like the awareness of knowing people are out there to support you/your ideas & encourage you to achieve your goals. It allows you to step-up & accomplish them in a more timely fashion. I feel GREAT just knowing that there are friends out there to give you strength in numbers. I like sharing the love & then being inspired by folks inspirational loving messages back!!!!!!
It’s been a GREAT EXPERIENCE!!!! 🙂
Ok Tom, you asked for it; letting the rambling begin! I have to admit that perhaps I was the most skeptical group member as I embarked upon this much needed journey of enlightment, encouragement and powerfully positive people. While I may have entered into the experience with my guard up, I will leave it with some of the most amazing thougths, ideas, creative energy, powerful resources and connections with people spread throughout the world that without this experience I may have never had the gracious opportunity to have met! My “guard” was quickly demolished during our first call as a group when I realized I was amongst a genuine, sincere group of gifted, talented people who not only embrace you for who you are but encourage you to reach further, probing deep into the hopes of who you will be! This group experience was gently but firmly guided by a wise and gifted soul, a brave and courageous pioneer to have offered something so intuitively brilliant, that he was able to bring together a group of kindred spirits and offer the leadership that lead us to a chemistry within the group that I find hard to believe will ever be duplicated. Straight from the mouth of a rambling sceptic; I only wish it would have happened sooner, for I now face my life with a renewed and refreshing perspective, an enormous amount of support from an amazing and greatly respected group of friends, and reassurance that the gifts we are all given with much generosity from whomever distributes them from above, will be realized, appreciated and lived to the fullest! Come on Tom, did you really expect me to be “brief” after what you have allowed us all to experience? I would do it again in a heartbeat!!
Thanks so much for linking to our video… ifnotnow.net and question of the week were truly a labor of love and gave me the inspiration to move forward in my life… it means so much when other people respond to what nick and I created…I so look forward to reading more of your blog!
best!
Kathryn
From the moment I took the delightful work survey until today, I have moved from increased clarity to supreme clarity about what I want from work. For the last several years I have been longing to reach a certain level of success in the world’s eyes. A position of responsibility and notoriety that would say to my colleagues, my friends and family… “I made it; I am a success!” What a blessing to have participated in Tom’s exercises and group support. Through this unconditional support I now realize a very vital thing about myself. The type of position I have been working towards is not the “authentic me.” If I were in such a position I would have to “put on the position.” If I had to do that, the work would neither be authentic or delightful and it would not be lifegiving to me or for those around me. The stress of being in a job that is not a good fit would drain me of the time I spend on endeavors that encourage personal growth and delight for me. I now feel fully supported and free to put my former goal behind me and go after a more authentic enterprise with more gusto! I trust this will produce true prosperity in the end. Thank you Tom and thank you group for your unconditional love, support and encouragement!
What can I add to this…
I am taking part in the experience too, and I can only say it is amazing. The support sent to me every day, makes that I stop worrying about the effects of my actions, and that I see everything in a much lighter, more joyful and greater perspective.
I can only say that I am incredibly grateful to participate.
I did new things, with ease, which I would never had done before. The group support really works!
I am sure we will form groups of support which will go on sending love and support to each other, it is almost addictive 😉
If you can, please take part in a similar group, Tom is a very special man, and with his wisdom and maturity he is a great mentor for us all.
Charlotte
@Clem you wrote. “I imagine what man I would be if my entire life were filled with this kind of support from the very beginning.” Powerful! That’s just the kind of realization I had hoped for when I designed this experience. Know this – you are that man and you can go forth knowing that the confidence will remain. Now that you’ve felt it – you can continue to choose it.
@Renee thank you for the powerful support you’ve given. Keep stepping-up to the plate and you will keep knocking those goals out of the park in the beautiful urgency within which they came into your awareness. I’m grateful for your presence and support.
@Carrie wow thank you for such a loving and powerful testimony to the effectiveness of group synergy. I must agree with you on the duplicatability of future groups. But not in the way you said it. Because of you and your fellow pioneers future coaching groups will surpass the chemistry we’ve developed here. Take that renewed and refreshed perspective and ride it fully into the unknown. Let me know when your coming out party is; I want to feel the glow. J
@Kathryn thanks so much for stopping by. I love what you and Nick have done and I’m looking forward to viewing more of your incredibly original videos. Keep coming back to comment on how you’ve moved forward in your life. I’m sure we can all benefit by your inspiration.
@Rosemary that’s quite an awakening. I applaud your courage to follow your true path. You were so ready when you joined us and I’m pleased that the group support could give you that last little nudge to fly into your new professional life with gusto. Thank you for being you.
@Charlotte thanks so much for your kind words. I like your observation about a clearer perspective. When we can see where we are going and then act without fear the results are amazing, as you have proven. Yes, I also experienced a lightness and greater accomplishment with ease. Who doesn’t want more of that? Thank you Charlotte, you’ve confirmed what I also realized; once we get out of our own way, life is more of a joyful glide.
Tom,
I join the growing chorus of applause for this experiment in unconditional support. The power of the group was made even more powerful by the fact that, at the beginning, most of us were strangers to one another and from all parts of our country and the world at large. Now we are bound together in the individual and group knowledge that something truly exciting is going on with us. As we look at the faces of the people and send out unconditional support for the objectives we all have stated, we must realize that we will definitely meet these objectives because with this support without judgment, the way forward seems inevitable. We have already seen and heard results from several of our members. In my own case, the added benefit can only be described as a delightful dose of high energy. Everything I tackle at work seems to be more fun, more rewarding and more goal oriented. Who could ask for more than that.
Finally, thank you Tom, for your confidence in the experiment and for providing the group with perfect exercises to help lead us toward reaching our individual objectives. I know you will go on with this work because it must be so delightful for you. I know I speak for all of us when I say it has been a truly inspiring experience. Best of luck to you and to my new friends, all of whom shared ideas so openly and honestly.Thank you.
Kudos to you Tom for the creation and facilitation of the Unconditional Support Experience. Applause and thanks to my fellow participants. Your active engagement and support increased the impact exponentially.
There are so many ways to learn something new. But, to learn something new about oneself, perhaps it is best to experience it. This process has given me the opportunity to experience more of the real me – an incredibly delicious taste of what it’s like to orient around my deeply held values and know that I can delight in work that permits me to fully express them.
With the not-so-subtle constant and consistent reminders from all of you that you are supporting me unconditionally in my journey, I am experiencing a new level of confidence and acceptance. The latter was my only request during our first meeting. And, now I have more of that. Thank you.
It’s truly amazing to realize how passionate people are in wanting to encourage others to go for their dreams. The unconditonal support experience has been one of the most influential and encouraging discussions I have ever engaged in. I am truly grateful for Tom’s passion to help others and for the support that i have received from the other members! Thanks to all of you!!
Tom,
I appreciate the extra push you gave me to truly see inside myself and stop
holding back. All the wonderful people in the unconditional support group
have really been a tremendously supportive “family”. They listen and encourage and just send so much unconditional love. The energy I have been receiving has
helped with my focusing and concentration. Thank you.
Tom,
I was also a participant, and found the time I spent connecting with the other people in this experiment to be an oasis of joy in a somewhat rocky time in my life. Focusing on what brings delight and joy is much easier when there are so many others doing the same.
I was finally able to move out of a “stuck” place, and begin taking actions I had put off for way too long. Thank you!
Tom,
You have started something really great. Meeting the people you have attracted to this group has been a joyful experience and I hope we can continue it into the future.
Each of us declared an intention for ourselves that we can complete on or about March 10th. I am vigorously working to complete mine but I’m equally dedicated to support everyone else in the group to complete theirs.
Because we are all connected as one, none of really succeed until we all succeed. What a celebration we will have when we all cross our individual finish lines. and yet, this is just a token of what we can accomplish collectively. Imagine the glorious outcome when each of us declares and accomplishes many more of our positive intentions. Then Imagine that each of us follow Tom’s example and invite 24 people to participate as we have been doing.
I send my unlimited support to every member of our group and invite everyone reading this to join in this experience as we go forward.
Many blessings to all,
Peter
peter.ayers@comcast.net
@Dorothy It’s such a joy to read about your continued high energy. When designing this experiment I thought we would all have greater confidence and focus as you described but like you the energy I’ve felt has been beyond expectations. Thank you for being you.
@John you are right on of course collective, experiential learning carries a much higher sustainability than just reading or acting on ones own. It’s remarkable how much the confidence and acceptance has risen in every single participant. I appreciate your revelations and presence.
@Kristy yes passion to encourage others is a beautiful thing. I’m so happy you noticed that. Without passion our souls wither and our hearts become deadened. I’m so glad you decided to be with us so fully and passionately.
@ Carrie D. yes once again another person noticing the increased energy. We ought to bottle it and sell it. Well actually that’s my intention to make an experience like this a part of every vocational group coaching experience I facilitate in the future. J I applaud your increased focus and concentration. Keep at it. Your life is in the midst of remarkable growth.
@Kay it’s always surprising when one so powerfully strong with such a big heart expresses the feelings of being stuck. Yet as your astute observation points out by focusing on what works well and on what is delightful, we can turn the tide. It’s always a pleasure to experience your enthusiasm and grace.
@Peter as a fellow coach I am especially pleased that you made it a point to fully participate in this experiment. The collective energy and focus you observed is indeed an extremely powerful force to harness and direct. And together we did it. Thanks for being here and offering your special wisdom. We are all blessed to have you with us.
Hi Tom,
Well, I took part in this experiment “virtually” – I couldn’t make any of the live calls due to scheduling issues. And it STILL yielded great results. First of all, support has come pouring in – not just from those in the experiment, but in general from friends and family, and even mere acquaintances. It’s like the experiment instigated a willingness and openness to receive – and in being receptive, more was available.
It certainly also helps to make a commitment to a group to get something done within a certain time frame – but I actually found that I’ve had some interesting “spin-offs” come out of my original goal. Basically, my original goal has become a jumping-off point for bigger and greater things …
It’s been great!
Blessings,
Andrea
I’m an old cynic. Tom’s Unconditional Support Experience offer brought on a reaction of “Ok, lets see what the noisy Americans are up to these days”. So I signed on and got gently nudged to doing the pre-event exercises. And started meeting people along the way. And now am amazed to find that the extremely challenging (more or less bound to fail) objectives that I set up are partly achieved, totally possible, this will happen.
Tom has succeeded in catalyzing the love and support that I inherently want to give and receive, but for a long time have not dare to put myself at risk of experiencing. It is so much easier to hide behind habitual excuses related to the victim role than to break out of it.
“When the student is ready, the master will be there”. The U S E journey came opportunely for me.
But more. Since I am a cynic, have already received no little respect for my work in this field and have done all the trainings already, I can say with authority that Tom has done it all right. (Which doesn’t mean that next time he won’t do it even better 😉 ).
Tom has succeeded in modeling – by being authentically himself -, creating structures, exercises, and making demands – which is great for people like me who will happily dream all day -, providing an atmosphere of support in may different ways for a group of 20+ people with very diverse support needs and, most importantly, shouldered the leadership and authority roles that are vital in order to get people believe in the possibility that they each individually and as a group can create. For themselves and for each other.
The U S E has worked for a lot of people with different needs. Tom Volker is an excellent process leader who combines structure with flexibility. I can thoroughly recommend Tom and the U S E process he has created to anyone who is looking for guidance and support in their personal or professional development.
Bless you Tom, for what you have created and made possible for many.
Mike
@Andrea your virtual state did not diminish the power of your participation; we were blessed to have you. I like your choice of words – the experience instigated willingness to receive and increased your receptivity. You gotta love the power of intention. I’m pleased you got more than intended. Life ought to be full of pleasant surprises.
@Mike so what’s the difference between a nudge and a demand my friend? I always thought I was nudging. Perhaps it was my insistence that made them become worthy demands? As a former happy dreamer myself I can tell you that action is more pleasing, hands down. That’s for the testimonial Mike. I rather like being called a process leader. I certainly appreciate your special brand of Swedish humor.
I’ve recently realized the value of accepting support from others. I used to have a big problem with this, like if I didn’t do it all myself, it said something about my character. Now I’ve realized you can learn things a lot easier and faster when you’re learning from someone who has years of experience, rather than trying to do it all on your own.
I’ve added you on Stumble, Tom, from Behind the Screens stumble experiment. I hope we can help each other out. Thanks for sharing these great articles. =)
Welcome Jonathan, I’m pleased that you now ask for help and it does say something about your character. It says you are strong and wise to know that we are all in this together. Thank you for the stumble.
FLABERGASTED and AMAZED are the two words that most come to mind about the Unconditional Love Experience offered recently by Tom Volkar. Although my experience is “officially” over, I testify that I have made some wonderful connections through this process and CONTINUE to receive support! Support and love from people all over the world, that never met me, and is/was reciprocated–kinda blows me away. Life and learning is a wonderful journey, and this experience was an unexpected, delightful, insightful, and mind bending part of my recent life path, and a trigger to greater clarity about what I really want from one of my newly acquired skill sets. I started off with a small goal, which has expanded as I reached better understanding through Tom’s prodding. Tom has a gift for coaching, offering clarity, and going for the goal.
Susan it was your full-hearted participation that made it so delightful for many of us. Thanks for being so boldly yourself. You have a distinct talent for asking clarifying questions. That skill served all of us well.